


Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-09
Updated: 2003-12-09
Packaged: 2019-05-15 20:02:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14797034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: CJ closed her eyes and blocked out her surroundings. She was just beginning to enjoy the peace and quiet when it suddenly happened.





	Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight**

**by:** Gemma_liz

**Pairing(s):** None  
**Category(s):** C.J centric angst   
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Disclaimer:** The usual, please don’t sue me!  
**Summary:** CJ closed her eyes and blocked out her surroundings. She was just beginning to enjoy the peace and quiet when it suddenly happened.  
**Spoiler:** Nothing, unless you haven’t seen the first 2 seasons and even then...  
**Author's Note:** Deals with adult and sensitive issues, please read with caution.

This story is dedicated to any woman who has had to deal with this and I hope it makes people realise that whoever you are it can happen to you, please take care of yourselves.

And to Sarah, who started off as my Beta and has become much more that that to me and with out her you wouldn’t be reading this, and Sarah I love you to bits, thank you so much!

This is the first West Wing fic I wrote but because of its size a lot more work has gone into it,  ALL forms of feedback are welcome. And one more thing, the title is an ancient Chinese proverb.

**Tuesday**

Josh watched on the TV in his office as CJ finished her briefing. "She’s going to kill me," he muttered to the empty room, glancing down at the report he’d forgotten to give her earlier. He knew that CJ was looking forward to finishing early so she could meet an old friend for drinks, "and get a good nights sleep" she had added with obvious delight. It was rare for any of them to get home early so he knew how much this meant to her especially as the friend was only in Washington for a few hours and CJ hadn’t seen her since she moved from LA to work on the campaign.

He thought about the Sex-Ed report he’d asked her to read a few months ago; she’d just been finishing up then too. ‘Josh, please don’t tell me I’m gonna be staying late tonight,’ she had said, going on to explain about being a prime woman and never getting out before midnight. Josh hadn’t really listened that night to her protests- it was part of the job and they both knew it- but he still understood what she meant and that made him feel even guiltier because at least she hadn’t had plans the night he’d given her the Sex-Ed report.

Josh was woken from his reverie by the sound of CJ outside her office giving instructions to Carol. He took a deep breath and prepared himself for CJ’s wrath, knowing only too well that she would make him pay. "Hey CJ," he said trying to sound nonchalant as he wandered into her office.

"Hey Josh. Can you believe I’m going home already?" She said as she stuffed a multitude of files into her bag.

Even more reluctant to have this conversation Josh hesitated slightly, causing CJ to stop what she was doing and look up at him questioningly, recognising how unusual it was for Josh to be quiet. "Josh?" She drew out the single word.

"Your briefing was good," he began.

"Well...thanks Josh but it was a pretty standard briefing," she replied, sounding a little confused.

"Well, yeah, but it was good," He knew he was stalling and by the look on CJ’s face she realised that too.

"Josh, you didn’t come in here just to tell me my briefing was good, did you?" Suspicion crept into her voice.

"CJ, I have this report..." he began.

"No! Josh, don’t do this to me," she said angrily, spotting the file in Josh’s hand.

"CJ, I’m sorry, I really am. I meant to give it to you earlier but I got called away and then I forgot and...the President’s expecting a briefing on this in the morning," Josh said apologetically, wincing at the look on CJ’s face.

"Joshua!" CJ shouted coming round from behind her desk and facing him head on. "I told you. You _knew_ I had plans tonight! Just once, Josh, is all I’m asking, just one night away from this place!"

"CJ, I..."

"I know this is part of the job Josh, but just this one time tonight was all I was asking and now I’m losing it because you forgot!" Her anger began to fade, replaced by disappointment.

"CJ, I feel really bad..."

"Don’t talk to me Josh. I don’t wanna hear it!" she shouted, cutting him off again. She moved back to her desk, snatching the report from his hands as she went.

"I really am sorry," he added quickly before she could cut him off for the third time.

"Go away."

Josh left her office before she could shout some more and CJ threw the report to one side, not wanting to look at it just yet. She sighed heavily, rubbing her temples with her thumbs. Fishing her cell phone out her bag CJ reluctantly decided she’d just have to call Kathryn and cancel. She tapped in the number and waited while she was connected, but then she suddenly had an idea which meant she might not have to cancel, not completely anyway.

*

Josh sat in his office wondering how CJ was going to make him pay for this while trying to do his own work. He stared at the computer screen, unsure what to put next when he suddenly had the feeling that someone was there. He turned quickly to see CJ standing in his doorway, glaring at him as she had been in her own office.

"Well Joshua. Even though you seem so set on ruining what little social life I have, I’ve decided to go anyway," she said evenly.

"But CJ..." Josh started until he was cut off again.

"I’ll be back in one hour to read the report. Kathryn never comes to DC and this is the only chance I’ll get to see her. Besides, she has a flight to catch later so neither of us can spare more than an hour. And you can pick me up. I’ll give you a call," she stated.

"But..." Josh started to protest.

"But nothing Josh. If you pick me up I can have at least one drink and you owe me," CJ countered before he had a chance to finish his protest.

Josh considered this for a second and then nodded; knowing that this was the least he could do considering it was his fault she was losing her night off. At his acceptance, she turned and left, leaving Josh to grin; at least he was one step towards earning CJ’s forgiveness.

*

CJ finished putting her things in her bag and grabbed her coat off the hook when she heard a voice calling from behind the semi-closed door. "Hey Danny," she replied, instinctively knowing who it was.

"What are you doing?" he asked, entering.

"I don’t have time to talk Danny, I’m going out."

"Really? Where are you going?" He sounded interested.

"I’m not going to tell you that Danny." She grinned.

"Well I just wanted to clarify something you said in the briefing." He grinned himself.

"Danny!" CJ cried, exasperated. When he opened his mouth to whinge, CJ continued. "Look, will you be here in an hour?"

"Yes."

"Well, come see me then, but right now I’m going out so leave me alone."

Danny knew from her tone that she was serious. "Okay," he agreed, retreating to the pressroom, leaving CJ to switch off the light and close the door behind her.

*

"Oh god Kath. Stop it!" CJ hooted.

"Me! What about you? You started it!" Kath said, trying to look innocent which made CJ laugh even harder. CJ couldn’t remember the last time she had relaxed like this and had to hold onto the bar to keep from falling off her stool. "Oh I can’t breathe," CJ complained as she wiped tears from her eyes. "I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this."

 "What about when that guy -what’s his name again- gave you the fish?"

"Who, Danny? Yeah, that was pretty funny," CJ said smiling at the memory of Danny’s face when he realised he’d got the wrong type of Goldfish.

"So what is it with you and him anyway?" Kathryn asked, trying to appear innocent.

"Nothing is up with me and Danny. We’re just friends and that’s as far as it goes." CJ didn’t want to rise to the bait, keeping her tone perfectly level.

"But you..."

"But nothing, Kath. He’s a reporter and I’m the press secretary and even if I didn’t have a problem with it, which I do, the people I work with would. It’s already caused me problems just by being friendly with him." CJ hoped this would terminate Kathryn’s line of questioning.

"Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise. I wasn’t trying to upset you or..." Kathryn trailed off feeling guilty.

"Don’t be silly, I’m not upset, I just don’t want to go into it now."

"Ok, let’s change the subject."

*

An hour later the two women were stood on the street saying their goodbyes. CJ’s pager alarm had disturbed what had been a wonderful catch-up and they had both agreed they should be going. "It was great to see you CJ," Kathryn said as she buttoned up her coat. "It’s such a shame we can’t do it more often." 

"I know and the time went so fast. I’m gonna make Josh pay for this, at least I will when he gets here." At Kathryn’s confusion CJ explained. "He’s stuck in a meeting."

"Ah I see. Why don’t you get a cab?"

"What, and miss out on a few more minutes out the office? No way. Besides, I want to inconvenience Josh."

Kathryn laughed. "Ok, if you’re sure."

"Yeah. Anyway, here’s a cab, you should go."

"Will you be ok?"

"Yeah. Josh’ll be here soon." CJ glanced at her watch. "He’ll be talking his way out of the meeting as we speak and believe me, he won’t want to keep me waiting too long; he knows it’ll just make his punishment worse!" The two women hugged once more on the sidewalk before Kathryn climbed into the cab and waved out the back window as she disappeared down the road.

CJ glanced at her watch and sighed, a hint of regret at being left on her own. She looked back at the bar but didn’t fancy drinking solo so instead pulled her coat tightly around her and walked to the end of the street, where she could hear the faint traffic noises in the distance. She was just beginning to enjoy the peace and quiet when it suddenly happened.

"Don’t move. Make a sound and I’ll kill you," breathed a voice in her ear.

CJ froze as something hard pressed into her back and a cold hand covered her mouth.

*

Josh fidgeted and took a sip of cold coffee employing all his self-control not to spit it back into the cup. He knew CJ would be growing increasingly impatient but it was beginning to feel like he would never escape this meeting.

"Josh, I don’t feel like I have your attention right now," broke in Congressman Roberts.

"Er, yeah, sorry." Josh turned his focus back to the Congressman only to realise he had missed all of what was being said. He was just thinking of ways to excuse himself when his phone rang, making him realise CJ would have been waiting for nearly half an hour. "Excuse me Congressman, I have to take this call." Josh searched for the phone in his jacket pocket. A glance at the display told him it was CJ, probably calling to tell him she’d gotten a cab. "Hello?"

"Josh?"

"Yeah. CJ, I’m sorry. I’m just on my way, ok?"

"Josh..." CJ stopped and Josh could tell something was wrong.

 "CJ, what’s up?"

"Josh, come quickly. I... I need help." She sounded on the verge of a panic attack, her voice teary and breathless.

"CJ, what’s wrong?" he repeated, panicking slightly himself.

"Josh, come now... please." And then he lost the connection. He shut his phone and ran towards the exit.

*

CJ put her phone back in her pocket. She knew she should have called the police but all she wanted right now was to see a familiar face.  She tried to stand up again, the effort bringing tears to her eyes, but using the wall to steady herself she succeeded, albeit shakily. She stood clinging to the wall for what seemed like forever, trying to calm down while hoping that no one would see her before Josh arrived. When she heard a vehicle pull up she stumbled to the end of the alley and relief flooded through her as she looked up to see a worried Josh jumping out his car.

Josh stopped dead at the sight of CJ. The usually smartly dressed, unflappable woman was a mess; hair in disarray, dress ripped, shoes missing. She was holding her coat against her to cover the rips in her dress and seemed to be in pain. As he came closer he could see her lip was split and her left cheek was swollen and bruised. She was holding one hand to her head and trying, and failing, not to cry. "Oh my god CJ, what happened?" The concern in Josh’s voice clear as he came to help her.

"Just get me out of here Josh, please," CJ pleaded, choking back tears.

He slipped his arm around her waist and helped her into the car, seeing her wince in pain as she sat down, the tears shimmering in her eyes. Josh jumped in the driver’s seat and pulled away quickly. "CJ, what happened?" he asked again.

"I...I was..." CJ couldn’t bring herself to say any more and began to sob again.

Josh pulled over and took her shaking hands in his, noting her jagged nails and grazed knuckles. She clung to him as she tried to speak but couldn’t find the words, instead taking big gulping breaths like she couldn’t get enough air. "My god CJ. I’m taking you to the hospital," he said as the bruise on her face grew along with his concerns about any other hidden injuries.

"No!" she shouted, wiping at her tears. "The press will have the story before I even know what’s hit me."

"CJ!" Josh shouted, exasperated but when he saw the look on her face he realised she had thought this through. If it hadn’t been so hideously unfair, he would have mocked her that her first concern wasn’t for herself but how it would reflect the administration.

CJ put her head in her hands and took a deep breath trying not to cry; she knew Josh meant well but she didn’t need this right now. She could barely process what had just happened to her let alone deal with the press finding out.  By the look on Josh’s face he had also come to this realisation. "CJ, I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you, that’s all, you’re hurt," he lowered his voice upon realising he was just upsetting her more.

"Please Josh. Just take me home and I’ll call my doctor, please?"

 

*

Josh helped CJ into her apartment. The scratches on her feet meant she couldn’t walk properly and she seemed to be in a lot of pain causing Josh to wince every time she did. "Where’s your doctor’s number?" he asked once CJ was settled on the couch.

"It’s programmed into the phone over there, Allison Harrison." CJ pointed.

 

While trying to keep his eye on CJ, Josh moved to get the phone. He was dialling the number when she got up and slowly moved towards the bathroom. "CJ, what are you doing?" he asked, waiting for the doctor to answer.

"I need to...um... I need to get cleaned up Josh."

"If you need anything ..." he called.

"Yeah thanks," she replied, softly shutting the door.

Josh stared after her not wanting to leave her alone but he knew even if he didn’t like it, the last thing CJ probably wanted was to be followed and nagged. He turned his attention back to the phone and waited for CJ’s doctor to answer.

Inside the bathroom, CJ locked the door and turned on the shower. She moved to the vanity unit and held herself up on the sink feeling as though her knees were going to buckle any second. Lifting her head slowly she looked in the mirror and gasped at the barely recognisable face that stared back. Her left eye was bruised already, her lip was cut and her eyes were red and swollen, made worse by her smudged make up. Tears began shimmering in her eyes and her reflection started to blur as CJ was unable to keep any control over her emotions and the sobs racked her body. She sank to her knees and curled up on the floor.

*

Josh paced up and down impatiently as he waited for CJ’s doctor to answer the phone; it seemed to be taking ages.

"Allison Harrison," said a sleepy voice eventually.

"Oh hi, my name is Joshua Lyman," Josh began, unsure what to say. "I’m a friend of CJ Cregg. She’s...she’s been attacked or something, I need you to come her apartment, please."

"Mr Lyman?" she repeated, and Josh knew she was trying to place him. "I’m sorry but if CJ’s hurt you should take her to the hospital."

"She’s refusing to go to the hospital and I think you’ll understand why."

The doctor sighed, "Ok Mr Lyman, I’ll be there shortly."

Josh put the phone down and stared at the bathroom door. Masked by the sound of the running water he still thought he could hear CJ and it sounded like she was crying. "What happened to you, Claudia Jean?" Josh whispered as several scenarios played through his mind, none of which he liked. He didn’t know how to comfort her so did the only thing that felt right, he dialled Toby’s number. Toby had known CJ the longest out of all of them and maybe he could help her.

"Toby Ziegler," came the gruff reception.

"Toby, its Josh."

"Josh, where are you? You and CJ are supposed to be going over the report." He sounded irritable.

"Toby, CJ’s been hurt. We’re at her apartment, I...I don’t know what to do," Josh continued, ignoring Toby’s apparent bad mood.

"What do you mean she’s been hurt? What the hell happened to her!?" Toby shouted, his concern showing through anger.

"Toby, don’t shout at me! Just get over here and make sure no one finds out or CJ will freak out like she did when I wanted to take her to the hospital." Josh tried not to raise his voice so much that CJ would hear him.

"The hospital? Oh god, I’m on my way," and he cut the connection immediately. Toby stood staring at the phone, replaying Josh’s words in his mind, "CJ’s been hurt...I wanted to take her to the hospital". But he didn’t have time to stand and worry, he had to see her.

"Going home already Toby?" asked Bonnie from her desk, glancing at her watch, but Toby didn’t hear her as he almost ran down the corridor. His assistant screwed up her face ready to shout at him for being bad-mannered but she stopped herself, something didn’t seem right; even Toby wasn’t that rude and he certainly never rushed out of the West Wing like that unless there was something seriously wrong. She hoped it wasn’t anything too bad as she prepared to go home herself.

 

*

As Josh put the phone down from calling Toby, who would probably give himself a heart attack from worry, he gazed again at the closed door between him and CJ. He could still hear the shower running and he sighed heavily and rubbed his temples as he hoped she was ok. When he heard the knock on the front door he opened it to find a woman he assumed to be CJ’s doctor.

"Hi, I’m Dr Harrison. You called me about CJ?"

"Yes. Josh Lyman," he replied, extending his hand, "please come in."

"Where’s CJ?" Dr Harrison asked looking around the empty living room.

"Er, she’s in the shower," He pointed to the bathroom.

"Do you know what happened to her, Mr Lyman?" Dr Harrison asked.

Josh shook his head, "I really don’t know. She was having drinks with a friend and I was supposed to pick her up and bring her back to work but I got held up in a meeting. She said it would be fine to come when I could but then she rang telling me to come get her quickly...so...she was a mess, and she wouldn’t tell me what happened and she refused to go to the hospital, just told me to call you and she’s been in the bathroom since." At the end of his outburst, Josh inhaled shakily.

"It’s ok Josh," soothed Dr Harrison, understanding his concerns, "I’ll go see her now."

*

CJ turned off the shower and stepped out, making no attempt to clear the steamed up mirror as she passed. She cautiously dressed in a pair of clean sweats and a t-shirt from the laundry pile before wrapping her dressing gown around her. She brushed her hair quickly and tried to take a deep breath, holding her arms around her stomach. She felt sick and her whole body felt bruised making it painful to walk. The voices coming from her living room made her guess that Dr Harrison had arrived and soon after she heard a knock on the door.

"CJ, it’s Allison. Can I come in?" Concern filled her voice. "Oh CJ, what happened to you?" she asked once the door was open. She reached for CJ’s face but CJ flinched and Dr Harrison snatched her hand away becoming even more concerned about CJ, as did Josh who was stunned at CJ’s reaction- she seemed so frightened.

"CJ..." Josh started.

"I’m fine... I...I’m sorry," CJ stammered.

"It’s ok CJ, nothing to be sorry for. Shall we get a little privacy?" Dr Harrison suggested, pointing to CJ’s bedroom.

Josh sank on to CJ’s couch as the two women disappeared into the bedroom. "My god," he whispered under his breath recalling how she had looked so frightened. He’d never seen her look that way before and it scared him, it scared him more than he cared to admit. Shortly, Josh heard a knock and it shook him from his thoughts. He opened the door to find a worried looking Toby.

"Josh what happened to her? Where is she?" Toby started before he was even inside.

"Toby, slow down. The doctor’s in with her now, but I...I don’t know what happened to her." Josh held up his hands defensively.

"You must know something?"

"She went to a bar in Georgetown to meet an old friend and I was going to pick her up because she had to come back for the thing but I got delayed and before I could leave she rang me asking me to come get her," Josh’s words came out in a continuous strand, "she said she needed help and when I got there...Toby...my god, she looked so bad like she’d been beaten up or something and she look so frightened Toby, I mean really frightened, she even flinched when her doctor tried to look at her face...Toby, I’ve never seen CJ like that...I..." Josh stopped, not knowing what else to say, "God Toby, if I’d just gone when she asked..."

Toby took a deep breath. "It’s ok Josh, it’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known." He realised that Josh was blaming himself for whatever had happened but it was driving Toby crazy not knowing exactly what that was.

*

The two men looked up as Dr Harrison came out of CJ’s room.

"Doctor, this is Toby Ziegler. He’s a friend of CJ, he’s know her for years," Josh introduced them.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Ziegler." Dr Harrison shook his hand.

"Doctor, what happened to CJ? Is she ok?" asked Toby.

The doctor sighed. "Physically it’s just superficial cuts and bruises which should be fine in a week or so but...she’s going to need a while to recover mentally from what happened."

"What did happen Doctor?" Toby asked reluctantly, unsure he wanted to know.

Dr Harrison hesitated, looking uncomfortably between the two men; she hated giving news like this. "I’m sorry but she...CJ was raped at gun point," she informed them, obviously distressed herself.

Josh audibly gasped at the news and Toby simply stared at CJ’s door, running his hand through his hair looking more upset than Josh had ever seen him.

"I’ve given her some pain killers and something to help her sleep," Dr Harrison continued, "and she’ll need to come see me for a proper check up in the next couple of days but there’s nothing I can do for her at the moment, she just needs her friends to help her through this," she finished as she collected her coat.

"Ok, thank you Dr Harrison," Josh managed as she opened the door. "Oh, and doctor?" he said running over to her, "You know there are a lot of people who would love to get this story because of who CJ is-"

"It’s ok Mr Lyman, I understand. Now go help her."

Josh turned back as Toby knocked on CJ’s door and pushed it open to find her sitting on a chair near the window staring out at the skyline. She was wrapped in a blanket and even in the faint light Toby could see the tears running down her face. "CJ?" he asked softly.

"Toby, is that you?" asked CJ wiping at her tears.

"Yeah honey, it’s me."

"What are you doing here?" she asked, confused by Toby’s presence.

"Josh called me. He was worried cos he didn’t know what happened to you and he thought I could help." Toby slowly moved towards her.

"Oh, right, thanks for coming," she said quietly, still staring fixatedly out the window.

"CJ, your doctor told us what happened. Are you okay?" He hated how superficial it sounded so he knelt in front of her chair hoping to prove his sincerity. He went to reach out but hesitated not wanting to upset or scare her.

When she turned and looked at him he could see tears in her eyes and it took all of his self-control not to wince at her face with one blank eye, a split lip and bruises on her neck. He felt the anger rise in him -who ever did this needed to be punished- but he tried to calm himself down, the last thing CJ needed was for him to be an idiot. Gradually he felt sure she was ok with his presence and he took her hands in his.

"I’m fine," she snapped, but on seeing Toby’s doubt she began again, "I mean... I...I will be but...I don’t know Toby. I can’t seem to get my head around it. One minute I was enjoying the quiet and then...oh god Toby, I was so frightened and...I...I couldn’t move Toby, I couldn’t fight back...I can still feel the gun on my skin, it was...oh, it was so cold Toby." CJ began to cry again, holding on to Toby like he was her lifeline, like if she let go she would fall apart completely. He waited while she got through the worst of the tears, holding on to her just as tightly, not knowing what else to do.

"I’m sorry," she whispered when she calmed down slightly.

"No CJ, no! You have nothing to be sorry for. This is not your fault, ok?" Toby said rubbing her hands with his thumbs, noting the sore fingertips as Josh had done.

She squeezed back and took a deep breath. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Anytime CJ, I’m always here for you."

"Thank you, I needed that," she replied, looking at her friend, "Oh god Toby, I’m so scared" she confided.

He tried not to flinch when he caught sight of the barely controlled panic in her eyes. "Nobody’s going to hurt you anymore CJ, never again," he promised, desperately trying to control the anger in his voice.

"You can’t promise me that Toby. They’re not gonna catch the bastard who did this to me because I won’t go to the police and I’ve just showered any evidence away," she reacted, calmer than Toby would have expected. When he said nothing CJ knew she’d stumped him; she was right, he couldn’t promise her anything and it was partly her own fault. She turned away from him and stared at their entwined hands. Suddenly CJ couldn’t stand the silence anymore. "It’s ok Toby, I still don’t want anything to happen, I just want to put this behind me and forget about it. If it goes any further I risk the press finding out and at the moment I know that’s the worst thing that could happen. I just couldn’t deal with that Toby, I really couldn’t," she said, her voice still outwardly calm but Toby knew CJ well enough to detect the slight waver.

"Okay. You should get some rest," he said, slightly defeated. He helped her up and, sat on the bed, she took the sleeping tablets her doctor had left and leaned back against the pillows.

"What are you going to say at work?" she asked.

"I don’t know," Toby replied, considering the options, "I mean you can’t come to work with a black eye- the staff won’t leave you alone never mind the press. What do you want me to say?" he asked as CJ cautiously touched the offending eye.

"Well, just say I had an accident and I’ll be back on Monday. I can handle the press."

"Monday? Are you sure you’ll be ok by then?" he asked, immediately regretting it when he saw the look on her face. "I’m sorry CJ. I didn’t mean to suggest any lack of ability to do your job, but this is not a little thing that happened to you. I’m just worried is all," he covered quickly before she had the chance to get really angry with him; it was the last thing she needed at the moment.

CJ continued to glare at him for a second and then her features softened. "I know," she said quietly, looking back at her hands. She could see that she was shaking now that she had nothing to hold onto. "Will you stay here tonight Toby?"

"You didn’t seriously expect me to be going anyway, did you?" Toby asked with a slight smile, which grew when he was rewarded with the smallest of smiles from CJ. He noticed sadly though that her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

"Is Josh still out there?" she asked changing the subject again.

Toby paused for a moment, he’d obviously forgotten about Josh. "Er, yeah, I would think so. You wanna speak to him?"

"Yeah," CJ replied as she climbed under the covers.

*

Toby walked out of CJ’s room, spotting a worried looking Josh sitting nervously on the edge of the couch. "Josh?" he called gently, not wanting to startle the younger man, but Josh jumped nonetheless at the voice.  

"Yeah? Oh, Toby it’s you...I mean, of course it’s you, I was just...I just...never mind. How’s CJ?" he asked eventually.

Toby sighed and thought about how best to reply. "Honestly? I’m not really sure what to say. She’s calmed down a little but she..." Toby trailed off unsure of how to put his feelings, or CJ’s, into words.

"She’s what, Toby?" Josh asked, concern etched on his face and Toby suspected it echoed his own expression.

"She’s scared Josh, scared," was all Toby could think to say.

Josh nodded and looked away, uncomfortable at seeing Toby’s anguish so visible. Normally the curtness of the communications director was infuriating but today Josh would have done anything to see him back to his normal self.

Toby continued. "She um...she wants to see you."

Josh simply nodded in response and made his way to the bedroom door.

CJ was restless in bed, wincing at each movement as the coarse sheets caught her tender skin. She tried curling into a foetal position but her bruised legs rubbed against each other uncomfortably, and when she tried lying on her back it left her feeling exposed and unprotected. She was beginning to despair when she heard footsteps approaching. The door was being cautiously pushed open and for a second CJ felt her pulse begin to race but then she heard a familiar voice and she reminded herself she was safe.

"Hey CJ, its Josh."

"Hey Josh." She replied as he appeared in full, hovering in the doorway. CJ could tell he didn’t want to intrude so she sat herself up and nodded slightly, and he took it as a sign to approach her.

"How are you holding up?" He reached the side of her bed but hung back still, almost afraid to get too close in case she saw him as a threat.

But she didn’t see him as a threat; in fact his presence made her feel a little safer and it offered a distraction from her aching body and restless mind. "To be honest Josh, I’m not really sure. I...I just... there’s so many things I’m feeling right now...and I just can’t put it into words, but it’s... it’s awful Josh." She stared at her clasped hands, noting the grazes on them for the first time.

Josh didn’t know what to say. He wanted to make it better, wanted to say something, anything, that would make it better but he knew there was nothing. "CJ, I’m sorry, this is all my fault," he blurted out suddenly. "If I hadn’t forgotten to come get you, this never would have happened and ..." he trailed off realising that his own self pity and blame wasn’t going to help CJ or himself.

CJ sat up straighter. "Josh, no! Oh god, Josh, please don’t blame yourself. No one is to blame for this, no one, you hear me?" The anger in CJ’s voice was unmistakable. She offered one of her hands to him and quickly corrected herself. "The only person that needs blaming is the bastard who did this."

 

"Ok," Josh managed to utter as he moved closer and sat on the edge of her bed, accepting her hand, hoping to give comfort as well as receive it. He looked at her down turned face, not being able to stand the physical reminders of what she had gone through, the black eye, the swallow cheek, the cut lip. Still the guilt weighed on him, the words ‘what if’ running through his mind. Their joined hands clutched tighter to each other.

"Josh, you’re one of my best friends and I need you...I need you to help me, Josh. I can’t do this alone..." Fresh tears came to her eyes. "I need you to be strong for me, and not to be blaming yourself," she finished, her voice wavering as the tears broke free and rolled down her face.

"God, you didn’t deserve this CJ and I promise I’ll be there for you, whatever you need." He rubbed his fingers over her knuckles feeling the grazes against his skin, but immediately regretted it when he saw the discomfort flash across her face. He’d have liked nothing more than to wrap her up and hold her in his arms but he was aware of her injuries and so he settled for stroking her wrist where the bruises were less fierce.

CJ’s tears began to subside and she wiped her eyes gingerly. "Ok, I’m gonna try and get some rest now Josh. You should go do the same."

"Will you be ok?" Josh panicked at the thought of leaving her. "I mean..."

"Toby’s staying." CJ understood Josh’s concerns.

"Ok, but call if you need me for..."

"I know, and thanks Josh."

He stood up and leaned to kiss CJ gently on the forehead.

"Anything Claudia Jean, and I mean anything," he whispered gently before leaving.

*

"Damn it!" Toby’s head jerked up swiftly causing him to curse, as he did again when he sat up too quickly. His eyes shut in protest to the bright lamp on the side table and he reached over blindly to turn it off, the glow from the hall enough illumination for now. He opened his eyes again only this time letting them adjust gradually. He knew he shouldn’t have fallen asleep on CJ’s couch but he didn’t want to go into her guest bedroom in case he didn’t hear her if she needed him. He glanced at his watch and smiled slightly; she’d been sleeping for several hours now, presumably the pills were doing their job.

Toby shifted on the couch into a more comfortable position and pulled the blanket he had found in CJ’s closet around him. He closed his eyes again and felt himself drifting off, forgetting why he had woken with such a start in the first place. He thought he was almost asleep when he heard a moan. He kept his eyes shut, hoping he was dreaming, or that maybe it was someone in the street until it came again, this time louder, like someone was in pain. He let out a moan of his own in protest until he suddenly realised why he had originally awoken and what could be making the sound. "CJ!" he gasped, sitting up quickly and moving his protesting body to the threshold of her door.

Inside, he could see her thrashing about in bed, obviously in the throes of a nightmare. Approaching, he laid a hand on her shoulder and shook her gently. "CJ, wake up," he pleaded. He thought he’d read once that you shouldn’t wake someone having a nightmare but he couldn’t stand by while she relived her ordeal.

"NO!" she shouted repeatedly.

"CJ, you’re having a nightmare, wake up! It’s ok, you’re safe."

"No, please don’t!" she continued to scream, her arms raised in front of her face.

"CJ!"

"NO!" she shouted once more before she sat bolt upright. Suddenly the room was silent except for CJ’s ragged breaths. She looked at Toby, her eyes wide in utter terror and began to back away. "No, please don’t hurt me," she begged, clutching the wrinkled sheet and shuffling backwards until she was up against the headboard.

"CJ, it’s me, Toby. It’s ok, you’re safe."

"Toby?" She asked almost inaudibly, as though unsure who he even was.

"Yeah, it’s me CJ. No one’s going to hurt you any more." He moved forward slightly, hoping to prove his identity and perhaps calm her.

"I...I...oh god." CJ scrambled off the bed in the direction of her bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

"CJ, are you ok?" Toby asked as he followed her. His answer was given when he heard her being sick. "CJ? CJ?" Toby began to panic. He tried the door but it was locked. Instinctively he wanted to break it down to get to her but his sensibility told him that would only terrify her further. He didn’t know what else to do so he returned to the living room where he grabbed CJ’s phone and scanned the numbers programmed into it. Having found the one he wanted he dialled and waited for it to connect.

"Hello, this is Dr Harrison. I’m afraid I’m unavailable at the moment. Please call back tomorrow for an appointment in clinic, or if it’s an emergency I can be found at GW emergency room."

Toby cut the connection, there was no way CJ would agree to go to the ER and otherwise Dr Harrison was unavailable. He tapped his fingers impatiently on the bookshelf at a loss when a thought struck him and he dialled another number, this one etched on his memory.

"White House, Operator 3. How may I direct your call?" asked the female voice.

"This is Toby Ziegler. Please connect me to the residence."

"Err, Mr. Ziegler, are you aware of the time?"

Toby sighed aggressively; he didn’t have time to debate this. "Yes, now put me through, I have to speak to the First Lady." He could almost hear the operator deliberating but she must have realised that Toby was serious and she didn’t want to be the one responsible for aggravating him. Finally he heard the low click as the connection was made and he waited while the dial tone rang out until a drowsy voice answered.

"Whuh?"

"Mr President, it’s Toby. I’m very sorry to disturb you but I really need to speak to the First Lady."

"What? Who are you and what d’ya want?" The president asked, confused.

Toby began to doubt his decision. "Sir, it’s Toby. Please, just pass me to the First Lady." Toby tried to disguise the annoyance and desperation in his voice. He heard rustling and then a soft female murmur came on the line.

"Yes?"

"Dr Bartlet?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"Ma’am, its Toby. I’m sorry to disturb you but I need your help."

Immediately Abbey sounded more alert. "Toby? What do you need?"

"Abbey, it’s..." Toby listened to CJ sobbing in her bathroom. Abbey’s concern was growing; Toby almost never called her by her first name, it was ma’am nearly all the way.

"Toby? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?" Abbey reached over to hold her sleeping husband’s hand, instinct telling her this was serious.

"No, it’s not me."

"Then who Toby? Who’s hurt?

"Erm...it’s...it’s CJ."

Abbey’s grip impulsively tightened and Jed grumbled quietly. "Toby, you need to get her to hospital if she’s hurt," she said, trying to keep her voice level and professional.

"She won’t go to hospital, the press..." Toby trailed off and Abbey understood, "and I can’t get hold of the doctor who came out earlier."

"Earlier? Toby, what happened to CJ?"

"She was..." Toby avoided answering the question by skipping on, "the doctor gave her some sleeping pills but she’s just woken up and she’s a real mess and I can’t contact her doctor...I didn’t know who else to turn to. I’m so worried about her."

"It’s ok Toby, calm down. I need to know what happened to her."

"Umm...she was...please Abbey, I don’t know what to do."

"Ok Toby. I’m sending over an agent right now to pick you up. They’ll bring you here and then I can see CJ myself, ok?"

"Yeah ok," Toby said, relieved, "thank you, I didn’t know what else to do."

"That’s alright, I’ll see you in a little bit." Abbey put the phone down and jumped out of bed. She went to the door and threw it open so quickly she saw the agent jump slightly. "Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I need someone to go to CJ Cregg’s apartment right now and pick up her and Toby Ziegler."

"Yes Ma’am." Agent Callahan accepted with no need for an explanation. He turned slightly and murmured several words into his wrist. Turning back to his boss he nodded. "A car is on its way now ma’am. Excuse me, but may I ask what’s wrong?"

"I’m not sure myself Mark, but I don’t think it’s good news."

"Abbey, what the hell is going on?" Jed Bartlet greeted his wife as she returned, his voice heavy with frustration.

"I’m not sure Jed."

"Was that Toby on the phone?" he asked pushing himself up.

"Yes," she answered hesitantly, sitting beside him.

"Why’s Toby disturbing my sleep? It’s not a national emergency since he wanted to talk to you so...?"

"Toby was pretty upset, I’ve never heard him like that before. Jed, listen, Toby said CJ’s been hurt, he didn’t know what to do," Abbey told him looking into his eyes allowing him to see her anxiety.

"CJ? What happened to her, Abbey? Is she ok?" Jed asked quietly.

"I don’t know yet Jed. I’ve sent a car to pick them up and bring them here. Toby mentioned something about being unable to contact her doctor and that’s why he called me."

Jed stared down, taking one of Abbey’s hands in his own, squeezing it tightly and taking comfort in the warmth he felt. "Ok," he said finally, "let’s get ready and help CJ."

They both got up and dressed and began pacing the floor anxiously waiting for word of CJ and Toby’s arrival. When they heard a soft knock on the door Jed admitted the visitor immediately, thankful it was Agent Callahan with an update.

"Sir, ma’am, the car’s here. They’re being escorted to the residence now."

"Ok, thank you Mark. Make sure they’re brought straight to our room please."

"Yes ma’am," Callahan responded, exiting again.

Left alone, the first couple turned to each other."Oh god Abbey, please don’t let it be anything too awful. Outside the office CJ’s like a daughter to me, I feel like it’s one of our own girls who’s been hurt and I don’t even know what’s wrong yet."

"I know Jed. I feel it too. But whatever’s happened we’ll help her get through it," Abbey promised, her eyes telling him they had no choice.

They embraced each other and when they pulled back they could both see the worry in each other’s eyes. Not long after, they were interrupted by another knock on the door and after the President’s curt affirmative, the door opened. Abbey let go of her husband’s hands and walked to the doorway, employing all her self-control and clinical training not to curse when she saw her two friends.

 

Toby and the agent were supporting CJ from both sides, hands delicately placed under arms or round shoulders. Toby looked up into Abbey’s eyes as if to say you see what I mean? The agent looked around and Abbey came forward to take his place, briefly acknowledging him with a tip of the head. His training told him it was time to leave and he pulled the door closed behind him.

Abbey slipped her arm around CJ’s back and led her forward. Toby helped lower the younger woman on to the bed and Abbey’s stomach turned as she saw the discomfort cross CJ’s face as she sat down. CJ was visibly in a state of shock as the President handed Toby a blanket which he wrapped round her shoulders. She was crying and shaking and Abbey only wanted to hold her but she knew they were here because they needed her medical aid.

"CJ? It’s Abbey. Honey, I need you to calm down. I need to you to take some deep breaths ok?" Abbey crouched down in front of CJ, taking her hands in her own. She waited while CJ got through the worst of her tears. "CJ, what happened to you?" Abbey asked when CJ stopped crying enough to listen, but the younger woman shook her head, refusing or unable to answer, instead wiping at her eyes, careful to avoid the bruises.

"I...I can’t," she stammered quietly.

"Ok CJ, its fine, don’t worry. Let’s get you into bed, c’mon." Abbey stood and led CJ away from the two alarmed men watching her.

In the privacy of a guest suite, Abbey sat CJ down on the bed then knelt down in front taking hold of her hands again. "CJ, honey. What happened to you?" She asked desperately, dreading the answer.

"I ...I can’t...it’s just...hard, Abbey. I can’t..." CJ stopped and looked up pleadingly, straight into Abbey’s eyes.

"Ok CJ, don’t worry. But you need to get some sleep, ok? Do you need any more pain meds or anything?"

CJ shook her head, looking down at her hands then back up at Abbey. "Thank you," she whispered, squeezing Abbeys hands.

Abbey squeezed back. "Anything for family CJ, you know that." She rose and went to the bathroom, lifting a clean robe off the back of the door. Returning to the bedroom she passed in to CJ. "Here, put this on and take a moment to clean yourself up. I’ll be back in a minute, ok? I’m just outside if you need me."

Abbey got up and switched on the bedside lamp and then turned the main light off, hovering near the door until CJ had disappeared into the bathroom. When she heard water running and was satisfied CJ was occupied for the next few minutes, she left to return to Toby and Jed, determined to find out what had happened.

When she stepped back into the corridor Abbey surveyed the faces of her husband and Toby, both of whom wore matching expressions of indescribable sadness, which she suspected matched her own. "What the hell happened to her Toby?" She tried to keep the anger out of her voice, knowing it shouldn’t be directed at Toby, but nonetheless furious that CJ was in such a state.

Toby shifted uncomfortably. He was having enough trouble processing the information on his own, let alone now having to tell the President and First Lady the news. "She was attacked...um, earlier this evening, she... um..." Toby muddled through, then he took a deep breath and went for it. "She was raped."

Utter shock was all that registered on Abbey’s face. She tried to remember to breath in light of the news that her mind was frantically trying to absorb, but only wanted to reject.

Toby couldn’t stand the look of pain on Abbey’s face but when he turned away he was met with the same expression from the President.  

"Oh dear Lord," Jed whispered, his hand over his mouth.

"Toby...I mean how...where, when did this happen?" Abbey asked, questions flooding her thoughts.

"She met a friend in Georgetown for a drink," Toby began, relieved to be able to discuss something concrete, focusing his mind on the facts, "and she’d just said goodbye and was waiting for Josh to come get her...I think she was...this guy jumped her, near the bar. I’m not really sure. Josh wasn’t sure."

"Why was she waiting for Josh? I don’t understand, why she didn’t get a cab home?" the president asked.

"She had to come back to work to finish..." Toby laughed humourlessly, "She had this report she needed to finish so Josh was going to collect her. I really don’t know the whole story, Josh rang me and said she’d been hurt and she wouldn’t let him take her to the hospital. I went over there and her doctor came and...she told us what happened"

"What did she say about her physical condition?" Abbey asked.

"Just minor cuts and bruises. Said there wasn’t much she could do for her, told CJ to make an appointment at her clinic."

Abbey sighed heavily and ran her hand through her hair. "Ok, I’m gonna go back in there, make sure she’s ok and see if she needs anything." She slipped back inside leaving the two men once again in silence.   

When Abbey walked back into the room CJ was sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed and the doctor part of Abbey knew exactly why CJ would be so uncomfortable. "CJ? Honey?" Abbey asked gently not wanting to startle CJ. "Are you sure you don’t need any pain killers?"

CJ looked up but her focus wasn’t on Abbey, it was as though she was staring distractedly through her. "Erm...no...thanks, no."

"Well you let me know if you do, ok? When these wear off you’re probably gonna want some more."

CJ only nodded, her gaze returning to her clasped hands as her fingers traced the grazes on her knuckles. Abbey grew concerned at CJ’s unresponsive behaviour and the sudden calm that had replaced her earlier near-hysteria. "Ok, you should get some rest now honey," she suggested, hoping that her sedated state might encourage sleep. 

CJ agreed half-heartedly, letting Abbey pull back the covers and help her into bed, but as it became increasingly obvious that CJ was in such pain and discomfort, Abbey struggled to reign in her emotions. As a doctor she was used to wearing a mask of professionalism but in her own house and tending to a dear friend she wanted to shout out at the unfairness and the upset she felt. She settled on stroking CJ’s hair gently, reminiscent of when her own daughters were sick. She remained knelt by the side of the bed until she was sure CJ’s breath had evened out. As she stroked CJ’s face, outlining the edge of the vicious bruises she noticed that her own hand was shaking slightly. "Anything CJ, if you need anything," Abbey whispered close to CJ’s ear. She leant closer and kissed her temple before rising to leave.

Jed Bartlet looked up as his wife emerged. He and Toby had been silent the whole time Abbey was with CJ; there wasn’t much either of them could think to say. When his wife appeared though Jed immediately wanted to know how CJ was and guessed Toby was thinking the same. "How is she?" he asked, approaching Abbey and noticing how drained she looked.

"I’m not sure Jed. She didn’t really say much but I can tell you she’s in pain, that much I know."

"Abbey, my god. I never thought..." Jed murmured as Abbey moved towards him, taking his hand in hers.

From his position leaning against the wall, Toby could see them drawing comfort from each other.

Suddenly a thought crossed Jed’s mind and he turned to Toby. "Has she told the police?" Jed asked, anger in his voice.

"No Sir. She refused, said she didn’t want the press finding out, that it would be too much for her to handle." Toby answered unable to look the president in the eye.

"Toby, this...this guy has to be caught! No one hurts my family and gets away with it. I won’t allow it!" His anger was now potent, directed at Toby but meant for the man who had hurt CJ.

"Jed!" Abbey warned, tightening the grip on his wrist.

"Abbey. CJ was attacked and nobody’s out looking for the bastard who did it!"

"I know Jed but you have to calm down, shouting won’t help anyone, and certainly not CJ if you wake her up," Abbey said firmly, fixing her husband with a glare.

Jed stopped and looked at his feet, forcing himself to calm down. "Ok, I know...I know...I’m going to talk to Ron though, someone has to do something."

Abbey jumped forward in front of her husband. "No Jed you can’t, not without CJ’s permission and as far we know she doesn’t want it to go any further."

"Abbey..."

"I know it sucks Jed, but we can’t go against her on this. God knows, she’s already been violated enough. Wait till the morning at least."

"Fine," Jed muttered turning away, obviously unhappy but unwilling to argue with his wife.

"Toby, let’s get you somewhere to sleep," Abbey offered, looking down the corridor.

"Actually if you don’t mind I’d like to stay with CJ. I can’t imagine I’ll be sleeping much tonight and if she wakes up again I want to be there."

"Toby, you really should get some sleep."

"Abbey I can’t. As if things weren’t bad enough already, she then had to wake up alone. I just can’t see her like that again."

Abbey looked at Toby with an expression he couldn’t read. She sighed and led him to CJ’s room. With the gentle glow from the bedside lamp Toby stopped for a moment. She almost looks peaceful he thought, but the angry bruise on her face and the scratches on her hands told a different story. They screamed to Toby that she was far from peaceful and he couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be until she was again.

"Come find us if she needs anything," Abbey whispered, then upon catching sight of Toby’s dishevelled profile, she added, "and if you need anything Toby, ok? You know where we are."

Toby nodded and when he heard the door close he pulled his chair nearer to the bed and prepared himself for a long night as he watched CJ sleep restlessly.

*

**Wednesday**

Abbey Bartlet woke up suddenly and sighed when she read the clock beside her. At 05.46 she knew she’d not get any more sleep but aware that her husband was still sleeping she carefully pushed back the covers and crept to the dressing room.

The only reason Jed was still sleeping was because of the sleeping tablets she made him take but she knew that once he was awake, like her, his thoughts would be too busy to settle again. She began to get dressed slowly and quietly, running over the events of that night, in her mind. ‘CJ raped’ she kept repeating. It was almost unbelievable but having held CJ as she cried, the pain in her eyes, the bruises and the scratches, Abbey sighed again, rubbing her temples. It was so obviously true.

Toby turned at the sound of the door being opened to find Abbey popping her head in. She gave him a small, sad smile, indicating with her eyes for him to come out. While Toby stretched out and staggered to her, she glanced at CJ who appeared to still be sleeping and Abbey breathed a small sigh of relief.

In the corridor, Abbey could see how exhausted Toby was. "Have you been awake all night?" she asked looking at the dark circles around his eyes.

He sighed. "Yes," he answered simply, feeling no need to lie.

"How is she?"

"She’s slept most of the night, if very fitfully but at least she didn’t wake up again."

"My god Toby." Abbey slumped against the wall. "How does a thing like this happen? I can’t believe it, and why didn’t she want the police Toby, I mean..."

"She said she didn’t want to risk the press finding out, and then she’d already showered so the...the evidence was gone." Toby said, his voice getting louder.

"Shh, Toby, you’ll wake her," Abbey hissed at him. She pulled him further down the corridor. "We have to convince her to go to the police or at least let Jed tell the secret service. He was all ready to call Ron last night."

"I’m with you Abbey but I don’t think she’s going to agree. Abbey, there was one thing I didn’t mention earlier," Toby said cautiously.

"What?" She asked, hoping this wasn’t going to get any worse.

"The guy...Abbey, the guy had a gun. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone that scared before Abbey, I really don’t," Toby said wretchedly.

Abbey’s expression dropped, shock once again registering on her face. "Gun point? Oh my lord. Toby, the poor woman...what she must be going through."

Toby could do nothing but nod in agreement.

"Even more reason then to call the police Toby, there’s a man out there with a gun who’s raped one woman if not more," Abbey said, the anger in her voice clear and determination now showing in her features.

*

CJ opened her eyes slowly, blinking at the light streaming in through the gap in the drapes. For a brief second she didn’t realise where she was and then it all came rushing back to her; how she had woken up in her bed absolutely petrified and then throwing up in her bathroom. She remembered Toby pleading on the other side of the door while she sobbed on the floor feeling exhausted and weak. She couldn’t recall how long she stayed there but Toby had come in and told her he was taking her to see Abbey and she’d been unable to stop crying. She remembered being helped to a car and Toby holding her while she cried and then being with Abbey. As the previous night’s pieces fell into place it was like a physical blow and she began to cry again.

Outside, Toby turned slowly, sure he could hear a noise but not recognising it. As it grew louder it dawned on him. "CJ," he muttered going back towards her room, followed closely by Abbey. Straight away, they could both see CJ curled up on her side crying again. They both rushed to her side.

"CJ, its Abbey." She gently sat on the bed and reached out, trying to prise CJ’s hands away from her face. "Aw CJ, come here." She helped the younger woman sit up slightly and then folded her into her arms, rocking her slightly and smoothing her hair as she sobbed. Abbey glanced at Toby who was wearing an expression she’d never seen on him before. It was a mixture of worry, compassion, anger and helplessness, and Abbey recognised all these feeling in herself.

After several minutes, CJ took a shaky breath and pulled back from Abbey slightly so that both women were holding on to each other’s arms.

"Did Toby tell you?" CJ’s voice was trembling.

"Yes he did. CJ, I’m so sorry," Abbey said looking directly into CJ’s eyes, as tears prickled in the corners of her own.

CJ nodded to Abbey and wiped one hand over her eyes. She could feel the bruising and she pulled away quickly before she hurt herself and caused the pain to go further than the dull ache she could feel already.

"CJ, I want you to stay here with me and Jed for the moment. Toby can pick up some belongings from your apartment."

"Oh no Abbey I couldn’t," CJ began to protest, shaking her head, "I mean, you’ve done so much already for me, really I couldn’t-"

"Nonsense CJ. I want you to stay here. You shouldn’t be alone."

CJ stared at Abbey for a moment unsure of whether to continue her protests. She felt conflicted; she savoured the safety of the White House but part of her also felt she was intruding, and she was acutely aware of crossing the line between staying with her friends and imposing on her boss.

Eventually she nodded her acquiescence to Abbey and Abbey smiled briefly before turning to Toby and nodding to him.

Toby’s gaze lingered slightly on CJ, his fist’s clenching at the sight of her and the barrage of emotions that washed over him. But he acknowledged Abbey’s instruction and gently slipped out the door.

Abbey’s attention was still focused on CJ. "How are you feeling this morning CJ? I’m sorry, I know that’s a difficult question."

CJ took a deep breath. She didn’t know what to say to Abbey, as she didn’t really understand how she felt in her own head, never mind trying to explain it to someone else. She glanced at Abbey silently and was relieved when Abbey tipped her head slightly, understanding the lack of words but encouraging her to try.

"God Abbey, I don’t know. Part of me is just numb in total disbelief you know? And part of me feels like I’m crawling outta my skin, I feel dirty and sick. I feel like I’m going to cry all the time, my face hurts, my hands and feet are scratched I...I’m having... nightmares Abbey and I’m..." CJ dissolved into tears again and Abbey took her in her arms.

"It’s going to be ok CJ, you have to believe me. I know it doesn’t feel like that now but you have to trust me, this is going to get better and me and Jed and Toby are all going to help you through this and it’s going to get better." She held the weeping figure tightly in her arms, hating the feeling of helplessness neither the doctor side nor the mother side could solve. She only knew she had to be there when CJ needed her, so Abbey tried to take comfort in her own words knowing that they were true and no matter how hard it was for CJ she would get better.

After what seemed like a long time, CJ settled and managed to calm down enough to wipe her eyes and take a deep breath. Although the exhaustion was palpable, she didn’t really fancy the idea of sleeping, especially now the sleeping pills had worn off.

"Ok?" Abbey asked.

CJ nodded. "Thanks Abbey. I’m gonna have a shower, I just need to..." She indicated with her hands and Abbey nodded.

"Ok CJ, everything you need should be in there. I’ll bring your things when Toby comes back."

"Thank you Abbey," CJ said, accepting the offered arm and getting out of bed gingerly, moving slowly to the bathroom.

"I promise it will get better," Abbey said softly as CJ disappeared into the bathroom.

*

Leo looked up as Josh and Sam turned up in his office for early morning staff at eight.  "Where’s Toby and CJ?" he asked as it was clear they were not behind the two men.

Josh opened his mouth to speak but when Margaret snuck in to hand Leo a note he quickly closed his mouth. Leo read the note and frowned, dropping it on his desk. "Toby’s gonna be late and CJ’s not coming in today," Leo said, annoyed at the short notice lack of a Press Secretary and the sparse information. He noticed Josh looking down and Leo had a feeling his deputy knew more than he was letting on and Leo resolved to find out what exactly later. "Ok let’s do this," Leo said turning his thought back to the meeting.

Due to being down in numbers morning staff was over quicker than usual, the decision being made to catch up on things once Toby arrived. Sam and Josh thanked Leo and headed for the door but Leo’s voice halted them.

"Josh, can you stay behind a sec please?" Leo asked.

Josh turned slowly, knowing that this conversation was inevitable. When he saw Leo looking mildly annoyed, he sighed deeply.

"What do you know about this?" he asked Josh, waving the note in the air.

"Leo, I don’t think it’s my place to say. I suggest you talk to Toby when he gets in." Josh hoped he wouldn’t put Leo even deeper into the bad mood he was falling into.

"Josh! We haven’t got a Press Secretary and the White House communications director has gone AWOL! And you can’t tell mewhat’s going on!"

Josh took another breath; this situation was not going well for him but when his thoughts turned to CJ, crying in his car, the bruises on her face and the doctor telling him and Toby what had happened, his self pity soon vanished. "Leo, I’m sorry but I’m sure you’ll find out soon and you’ll understand then." He pleaded with Leo to understand.

"Fine, go away then." Leo sat back heavily in his chair.

*

"Morning Leo," greeted Charlie as Leo passed by his desk.

"Good morning Charlie. Is he busy?" Leo looked at the young man.

"No, you can go on in." He gestured to the door of the Oval office.

Leo knocked gently and entered. The president was sat absent-mindedly staring at numerous reports on his desk but he didn’t seem to be focusing on any of them and he looked distant and sad, rather like Josh had earlier, Leo thought. "Good morning sir. I don’t mean to be rude Mr President but I got a message this morning telling me Toby’s going to be late and CJ isn’t coming in. Now you have the same look that Josh had when I told him and Sam but he wouldn’t tell me why. So can you?" Leo tried to keep his earlier irritation out of his voice.

"I’m sorry Leo, that message was from Abbey, she’s looking after CJ."

"Looking after...why? What’s wrong with her? Is she in the residence?" Leo asked confused.

The president gestured for Leo to sit down and then sat across from him; he took a deep breath and began to explain to Leo. "Toby rang us early this morning and told us CJ had been hurt. She refused to go to hospital and Toby didn’t know what else to do so we sent a car over to bring them to the residence. Anyway, she was beat up real bad, and when she arrived she was in a state Leo, I mean a mess. So Abbey calmed her down a bit and then Toby told us that she’d been...he told us what had happened."

The president was silent at this point and Leo sensed he didn’t want to continue, but Leo needed to know what exactly had happened so he beckoned for Jed to continue.

"Leo, she...she was raped."

Leo’s hand flew to his mouth and he struggled to catch his breath.

"...and I found out this morning that it was at gun point."

Leo sucked in a breath; he opened his mouth to speak several times before he said, "CJ was...I mean our CJ? Jed, she was raped? My god." He was unable to say anymore, simply sat looking at his shoes with his hand over his mouth.

Jed Bartlet studied his friend as he had with Toby. "So I think we can let Josh off the hook for not saying anything. I’m not sure he knows she’s here but he was the one who picked her up last night after...after."

*

Sam entered the Oval office to find the President, Leo, Toby and Josh already there. He was confused by Toby’s presence, having been unaware of his arrival. Sam took a seat on one of the couches next to Josh and stared at the others in turn. They all looked rather sad and sombre and Sam wondered what was going on and why, by the looks of things, he was the last one to be in the loop. "What’s going on?" he asked after the silence became too much.

"Sam, we need to tell you something but this...matter is very delicate and of a personal nature. We want you to know that you’re not the last person to be told on purpose, it just turned out that way and we understand you’re going to be shocked but when you leave this office you need to go back to work like nothing’s happened, ok?"

Sam was now even more confused but he nodded at the President to show his understanding and waited for his boss to continue.

*

A little later after the meeting, which had been eerily hushed considering it involved senior staff, Josh stepped out of his office intent on heading over to see Sam.

"Josh!" Donna shouted from her desk causing her boss to turn mid stride. She dashed down the corridor to catch up with him and steered him to the side out the way of people rushing around. "What’s with everyone today?" She asked, her tone gossipy but tinted with concern. "Toby’s quiet, which isn’t unheard of but Ginger says he hasn’t yelled at her once today, and Sam’s walking around like his rabbit just died. Margaret’s worried about Leo and... Josh, even you’ve lost your unflappable charm," she said hoping to make him smile.

But it didn’t work and all it did was cause Josh to sigh. "Donna..."

"And where’s CJ? Carol hasn’t heard anything, Leo just told her to sort out the press and get Henry to take the briefings."

"Donna, everything’s fine and I don’t know where CJ is cos I’m not her keeper, ok? She can look after herself." He regretted the words the moment he said them, the image of finding CJ last night a reminder that she couldn’t always protect herself.

"Josh, I know you well enough to know when you’re lying and you’re lying now!" Donna exclaimed, growing frustrated.

"Just leave it Donna," he barked at her, meeting her eye for the first time.

She opened her mouth to protest further but when she saw the expression of pleading on Josh’s face she clamped it shut again. "Well...ok, but if you need anything I’m here, ok?" She kept his gaze and he understood that she wasn’t just talking about work related things.

He wore a grateful smile. "Thanks," he said before resuming his trip to see Sam.

"Hey Sam," he said softly, leaning against the doorframe of Sam’s office.

His friend looked up ready to paste on the false smile but when he saw it was Josh his expression remained- a mixture of disbelief, anger and sadness.

"You were pretty quiet earlier when... You ok?" Josh understood that Sam was going through the initial reaction he had experienced last night.

"I don’t know Josh. I mean, this is just so...I mean... CJ was..." Sam stopped, unable to bring himself to say it.

Josh moved inside the office and closed the door behind him. "I know Sam, I know." He wanted to be strong for his friend but he needed to talk and guessed that Sam would be willing to listen and support him. "I didn’t know what to do last night Sam. I mean, we see CJ every day when she’s on that podium but that wasn’t the woman I saw last night Sam. Geez, I was almost as scared as she was."

Sam paled at Josh’s admission, he found it very difficult to imagine CJ in the state that Josh had just described, hell, he found the whole situation hard to imagine. He hadn’t noticed Josh approach him and jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"She’s gonna be alright isn’t she?" Sam implored. He was disconcerted when Josh didn’t answer straight away. 

"I hope so," Josh replied eventually, "I mean, she has to be, right?"

*

"Mr. President, we’re going to need a reason for CJ’s absence," Leo began reluctantly. The official business had been finished and the room was now clear except for the two men. Leo had been waiting to have this conversation, knowing it wouldn’t be easy. "The assistants are already asking questions and we can’t keep feeding the ‘White House doesn’t comment on personal lives of its staff’ line to the press. They’ve already had enough of Henry and it’s only been one morning."

The President nodded. "Yeah, Abbey says to tell people that she took a fall and had a mild concussion after hitting her head. Tell them she’ll be out for the rest of the week cos of bruising or something," The President suggested flippantly waving his hand in the air.

"Mr President, if we get caught lying..."

"It’s got nothing to do with the press for goodness sake Leo! When will people learn to give her some space?"

Leo sighed. As he feared the President was thinking on a personal level. Leo understood that the whole situation was far too real but he needed the President to focus on the administration for a minute, however cruel it seemed to CJ. "Sir, I understand you want to protect CJ, we all do, but I can’t honestly believe the press wont get hold of this."

 

"Well, unless any of the guys, Abbey, CJ’s doctor, you or I tell the press, I really don’t think there’s much chance of them finding out."

"But what about..." Leo stopped realising what the President was telling him. "She hasn’t told the police? A man attacked and raped her last night and she hasn’t told the police?" Leo asked incredulous.

"Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction. I was all ready to go to Ron until Abbey reminded me it was up to CJ."

"Seriously, she didn’t want to go to the police? But CJ has such strong views on women’s violence. I presumed she’d have told the police as soon as possible."

"Toby said she was so scared the press would find out. Oh Leo, she’s been through such a trauma who knows what’s going on in her head." Bartlet threw his hands up in the air. "Abbey and I are gonna talk to her again later, see if we can’t convince her to go to the police or let me tell Ron at least."

Leo nodded. "I’ll get Toby and Sam to write a statement to the effect of CJ took a fall and due to the minor injures she sustained has been invited to presently stay in the Residence with the First Lady, and we can make some joke about her being mothered, and so she’ll be taking the rest of the week off." He paused. "Sir, is that true? We are only talking a few days, right?"

"I honestly couldn’t tell you Leo." The President replied, not meeting his friend’s eye.

Leo nodded and got up to leave. As he turned the door handle he stopped. "Will you get Abbey to ask if I can see CJ later?"

"Of course."

*

Josh looked up as Toby came into his office. "Toby, what can I do for you?"

"Leo wants us in his office."

Josh got up and followed Toby out. "Did you see CJ this morning?"

"Yeah. I...after she fell asleep I spent the whole night sitting by her bed so I was there when she woke up. But Abbey sent me to CJ’s apartment to get her some stuff so I didn’t get to talk to her much and she was in the shower when I got back."

"You spent the whole night...have you had any sleep?"

Toby shrugged, figuring his own rest was unimportant. "I had a couple of hours on CJ’s couch before she woke up from...you know, the nightmare." Toby suddenly stopped in the corridor and ran his hand over his balding head. "God Josh, if you thought CJ looked bad when you left last night you should’ve seen her when she woke up. I swear she was scared of _me_. And then her doctor was unavailable and I didn’t know who to call, so I rang Abbey."

Josh rubbed his own head and sighed deeply. "You did the right thing," he offered, sensing Toby’s uncertainty, "what else could you have done?"

As they passed CJ’s office with its closed door they saw Carol busy working.

"Hey Carol," Toby said.

"Yeah hi," she replied, obviously distracted. "Everything ok?" she asked.

"Yeah fine thanks. Um, listen, CJ’s gonna be out for a few days so Sam and I are gonna help you and Henry, k?"

"Sure," Carol cautiously replied. "Is CJ ok?" She was worried.

"Yeah. Um, we’re sorting out a statement now, but she took a fall last night and has a mild concussion so she’s just taking a few days off," Toby said quietly.

"Oh right. What if the press ask more questions?"

"You tell them that the White House doesn’t comment on the personal lives of it’s staff."

Carol frowned slightly but then smiled in acceptance. "Ok."

*

Danny frowned at his blank computer screen. He just couldn’t seem to get the words down today; his thoughts kept wandering and they always ended up at the same question. Where was CJ?

After the morning briefing with Henry, in which almost no mention was made of the missing CJ, Danny had followed Carol back to the bullpen and tried to find out what was going on. But she claimed to not know herself, and either she was a very good liar or she was telling the truth.

Since the Bartlet administration, CJ was rarely absent. Even when she was unwell she would turn up in the West Wing and sniffle her way through briefings, threatening to sneeze on people if they made comments about her germs. So not only was Danny surprised by her absence but he was still confused about her failure to return the night before. In her office she promised to see him when she returned in an hour so he had gone back to his desk and occupied himself. But when he wandered back up an hour later there was no sign of her and he waited for a further thirty minutes before giving up and going home.

Danny believed he’d grown perceptive to the different moods and actions of the senior staff and so knew it was out of character for CJ not to return to work when she said she would. It wasn’t just CJ either. The whole of the senior staff were acting differently today although Danny couldn’t figure out why.

He looked back at his computer screen and sighed deeply. Although he vowed to find out what was going on with CJ, it would have to wait; he had to get his article done first or his editor would not be a happy guy.

*

Abbey knocked gently on the door to CJ’s temporary room in the residence. When she heard CJ’s quiet voice admit her she opened the door and immediately made her identity clear, not wanting to frighten CJ. "Hey, I just came to see if you need anything, see how you’re doing."

CJ seemed to ponder this for a minute. "Well I’d like this day to be over pretty soon," she said with no hint of mirth in her voice.

"Yeah," Abbey agreed as she sat next to CJ on the couch. "CJ, honey, I wanted to ask you about what your doctor said last night."

"She um...she said that the...cuts and bruises were fairly superficial...she wanted to take me to the hospital but I said no so she told me to visit her clinic as soon as possible."

"You know why, don’t you CJ?" Abbey asked.

"Erm yeah, I guess. I...just...I need..."

"You need to be examined properly for any internal injuries and tested for STD’s and..."

"Pregnancy," CJ finished.

Abbey nodded.

"Oh god, as if it wasn’t bad enough!" CJ shouted.

Abbey was taken aback by the sudden show of anger. She wrapped her arm around CJ’s shoulders and pulled the younger woman to her. She criticized herself for slipping into doctor mode knowing that CJ was already aware of the consequences and that right now all she needed was comfort, not facts.

CJ took several large breaths in an effort to calm down having long ago grown tired of crying. "Abbey. I know you’re only trying to help, I’m sorry."

"No!" Abbey said with force holding CJ by the shoulders. "You’ve got nothing to be sorry about honey. I just sometimes forget not to be a doctor," Abbey told her, smiling sadly. 

"I should call my doctor now I suppose," CJ said reluctantly.

Abbey reached to the side table and picked up the receiver. "It’s going to be fine CJ. Please try not to worry, it’s just a formality." She handed the phone over, knowing her words were of little comfort. "I’ll leave you to ring her. I’ve just got to see Lily but I’ll be back soon, ok?" She got up to leave. "If you can get a late appointment I’ll see what I can do about getting you out of here unnoticed."

CJ smiled gratefully but despite Abbey’s reassurances she still felt very apprehensive.

*

Later, as the sun was beginning to set and the sky was turning a dusky pink, CJ stood by the open window of her temporary bedroom and tried to breath in the cool evening air. Her mind was racing and her mind kept replaying the afternoon’s events. As expected, Dr Harrison had managed to fit CJ in at short notice and thanks to some sneaky organisation by the First Lady; CJ had been able to slip out unnoticed.

But now the activity was over, and CJ was once again alone as she waited for the various test results to be sent by courier. Despite constant reassurance by both Abbey and her doctor, CJ’s fears had failed to be alleviated and while part of her didn’t want to hear the results, logic told her it would be best to get it out the way.

So deep was she in her reverie that CJ failed to hear the sound behind her. When it came again she thought it was part of her daydream and she continued to stare out the window. Only when it came a third time did it gain her full attention and in her heightened state of anxiety CJ jumped, her breath catching and her heart pounding in her throat. She remained frozen to the spot until she finally recognised the noise as a knock on the door, and reminding herself she was at the White House and intruders couldn’t get in, she finally called out.

"Erm...come in," she spoke, trying to gain her composure.

The door opened and CJ recognised her visitor as Leo. Suddenly CJ shivered, aware of how cold she was and she turned back to the window and shut it briskly, stopping the draft.

"Hey CJ, how you doing?" Leo asked apprehensively, standing in the spot light near the door.

CJ wondered for a second why Leo was here and why he was asking after her, but while CJ had spent most of the day tucked away in her room, the rest of the West Wing had been working as normal and it was more than likely that all of the senior staff were now aware of her ‘situation’. CJ could recall a vague conversation with Abbey earlier telling her that the guys had been told, Leo and Sam being the last ones.

CJ couldn’t help but smile slightly at the uneasy look on Leo’s face. She was used to seeing him dominate situations but when she thought about why he was here she understood perfectly that this was not Leo McGarry’s typical territory. "Hey Leo, I’m all right," she began, trying to put him at ease.

Leo raised his eyebrows and looked at her expectantly.

She laughed hollowly. "Abbey’s been great, and Toby, and I’m...you know, I’m just trying to..." she trailed off, not sure exactly what she was doing. Coping? Dealing with it? Not dealing with it?

Leo took a tentative step forward, his hands in fists at his side. "CJ...I’m so sorry." He shook his head. "This is just...I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say."

"It’s ok Leo, I don’t either." CJ had been hiding in the shadows until now but she took a step closer to Leo feeling safe in his presence.

He swore under his breath and his hands curled into tighter fists as he caught his first sight of CJ. Her eye had now turned a deep purple and the bruises on her neck were establishing themselves as obvious finger marks.

"Abbey and Toby keep telling me it’s going to be ok but I...I’m having a little trouble believing that right now," she joked, hoping humour would help her and Leo relax.

Leo looked uncomfortable for a second before he gave her a rueful smile. "When I went into rehab, Jenny, the President, Abbey, they all said that and I remember thinking, yeah, that’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one desperate for a drink or ten drinks. You’re not the ones doing this. But you know what CJ? They were right in the end and I know it’s not exactly the same situation but now I’m gonna say the same to you. You will get through this CJ, of that I have no doubt." His tone was defiant.

CJ tipped her head to one side considering his words and gave Leo a rueful smile of her own. She nodded. "Thank you Leo. That...that means a lot."

"We’re all here for you CJ, you know that." He extended his arm and moved towards her. "We’re your family and we’re here for whatever you need."

CJ nodded in gratitude and reached out to take his hand. Leo caught sight of the grazes on her knuckles and was about to let out his anger with a barrage of questions about who had done this to her and why hadn’t she rung the police, when there came another knock on the door. CJ, predicting Leo’s imminent outburst, shook her head subtly before nodding towards the door. Leo released her hand and opened the door, finding Toby waiting impatiently on the other side.

"Hey Toby. Don’t worry, I was just leaving." Leo turned back to CJ. "You just remember what I said." He smiled again and as he left, patting Toby on the shoulder.

Alone in the room, Toby went up to CJ and looked at her closely. After several minutes he reached out enveloped her in a hug, catching CJ by surprise. It all was very un-Toby like but CJ drew great comfort from the gesture and she was once again overcome.

When Toby heard her first sniffles he pulled away sharply, confusion on his face. "That was supposed to make you feel better, not make you cry."

"Oh no Toby, it did. That’s why..." she wiped her eyes "...that’s why I’m crying because you did make me feel better." CJ almost laughed at the look on Toby’s face. "I’m feeling very emotional at the moment Toby, I know you don’t understand."

Toby frowned slightly but gave up on understanding, instead taking a seat on the edge of the bed. When CJ joined him, he took her hand, smiled kindly. "How you doing?"

"I’ll be better when people stop asking me that!" Some of her familiar sarcastic tone was present in her voice.

Toby gave her a wounded look and pouted slightly.

"I’m sorry, it’s just that I really don’t know how I am so it’s kind of hard to answer that question." She sighed. "Abbey asked me this morning and I seemed to ramble forever before finally giving up and then breaking down...again." She waved her free hand in a dismissive gesture at her own shortfall. "For a woman of words, I’m surprisingly short on them today."

"Well, tell me how you are at this moment and I promise not to ask you for a while."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I’ll give you ten minutes at least."

CJ glared at him but inside she felt a flicker of hope that maybe one day things would return to normal, and Toby’s sarcasm was a good initial sign.

Toby, for his part, was also relieved by CJ’s responses, hoping that her disdain was a positive sign that somewhere, buried deep beneath the hurt, was their CJ.

"It was nice to see Leo," CJ admitted. "I was a bit...spaced out before he arrived so he helped me snap out of that. Took my mind off things. And he did say some nice things." She replayed his dialogue about things getting better even when they seem at their bleakest. "But I...I went to the doctor’s earlier Toby and had...you know, the tests done so to be honest I’m scaring myself thinking about the results". 

"When will you get them?" Toby asked, obviously worried that she would spend too long thinking about possible outcomes.

"Any time soon I’d imagine. Allison said she’d put a rush on them." CJ took a deep breath and mentally shook herself as her thoughts lingered for too long on the negatives. "I was told you stayed with me all night," she said changing the subject.

Toby shifted, slightly uncomfortable for a second. "Yeah, of course."

"You didn’t have to Toby, really, but thank you."

Toby looked horrified at the mere suggestion that he wouldn’t stay with her. "Of course I had to CJ. I promised I would and I don’t break my promises. I couldn’t leave you, do you not remember the state you were in last night?"

"Oh believe me Toby I do," CJ cried, anger flashing in her eyes. "I remember every detail about last night. It’s been on constant replay ever since. And I’m scared Toby, I’m scared to close my eyes, I’m scared to go out, I’m scared to go to sleep!" Her voice was steadily rising and she jumped up and paced to the window. She hadn’t meant to get angry but found she couldn’t control her raw emotions.

Toby stared at her back for a second, shocked by her outburst but then the guilt kicked in as he realised how she could have interpreted his words. He took a tentative step towards her. "CJ, I’m sorry. I didn’t think, I was just..."

"Oh god, I’m sorry Toby, I never meant to shout at you." She turned to him and in her vulnerable state she suddenly seemed much smaller. Toby drew her to him. "Thank you," she whispered into his shoulder as he smoothed her hair.

They remained standing in the window for several minutes, watching the sky turn red, but both turned at the sound of someone knocking.

"Hi CJ, Toby. I’m not intruding, am I?" Abbey asked as she entered carrying an envelope.

"No ma’am," Toby answered for them both, seeing that CJ’s tears had stopped and her eyes were dry, for the time being at least.

Abbey held up the envelope. "I have your test results."

Both Abbey and Toby heard CJ suck in her breath, panic and dread crossing her features. Toby took her hand, letting her know he was there for her, slightly eased when she squeezed back.

"Honey, remember what I said earlier. Whatever the results, we’re here for you, ok?" Abbey paused and looked at her friend. "Do you want me to read it?"

CJ nodded and so Abbey opened the envelope and scanned the single sheet. In the moments that passed while Abbey was reading, CJ felt her heart hammering in her chest and silently thanked Toby for his support.

"CJ, honey, everything’s fine, everything’s clear." Abbey’s voice carried as much relief as if they had been her own test results. "Dr Harrison recommends some counselling and plenty of rest but apart from that you have a clean bill of health."

CJ let out the breath she’d been holding and smiled widely at Toby and Abbey in turn. Some of the emotion she had bottled up started to escape and she began to cry, but Toby, as faithful as ever, was ready and he pulled her close and held her while she sobbed, stroking her hair. "It’s ok CJ, you’re gonna be ok," he whispered softly to her over and over.

*

"We have to at least talk to her and see what she says," Jed Bartlet repeated to his wife for the third time.

"Jed, she’s only just got her test results back. She’s still in a very fragile state."

"I know all that but somebody raped her Abbey! He has to be caught, surely she knows that!"

"I’m sure she’s well aware of that fact but it’s not that simple Jed. Rape is a hugely traumatic event and it’s more than likely that she’s blaming herself-" Abbey held up her hand to prevent Jed’s protests. "Many victims are ashamed and find it hard to talk about it, surely you can understand that."

"But CJ talks for a living Abbey, how can she not find..."

"Jed, don’t even finish that sentence," Abbey warned.

Jed sighed. "I know, I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that but you know I’m right Abbey. What happens if this guy attacks someone else?"

"I know Jed, and I agree with you, believe me I do," Abbey admitted. She was quiet for a moment. "Ok, let’s go see her."

*

Abbey smiled kindly when Toby opened CJ’s bedroom door. "Hey. Is CJ awake?" she asked, conscious that Toby would be here whether or not CJ was up for visitors. Toby returned the smile and stepped to the side, beckoning them in.

CJ stood up out of habit upon seeing her boss but Jed quickly gestured for her to sit again. "Sir, Abbey, it’s good to see you," she greeted, smiling bravely. 

"CJ, we wanted to talk to you about something," Abbey began nervously as she and her husband seated themselves on the couch opposite CJ.

"Should I step out?" Toby asked, pointing to the door.

"No!" CJ blurted, her head jerking up suddenly.

Toby took the empty seat next to her. "It’s ok, it’s ok, I’ll stay if you want," he reassured her.

"CJ, I...we wanted to ask you if you’d reconsidered going to the police." Jed tried to keep his voice steady. When he saw CJ open her mouth to protest he continued, "or maybe you’d give me permission to at least speak to Ron."

CJ look horrified at the idea and equally horrified at the prospect of having this conversation with the President, seeing how she didn’t think it wise to shout him down even though that’s what she wanted to do. "The answers still no, sir" she stated flatly.

"But why, CJ?" Bartlet pleaded.

"Sir, I really don’t want to relive it all. I just want to forget about it."

"CJ! There’s a guy out there who-"

"My God! Do you really think I need reminding! Sir, I assure you I am more than aware of that fact."

Abbey heard the anger flash in CJ’s tone and decided to end the exchange before it got out of hand. Although she agreed that CJ should go to the police she knew badgering wouldn’t help. "Leave it Jed. We said we’d talk to her and you have your answer." Abbey turned to CJ who looked horrified at her own sudden outburst.

"Please CJ, just think about it," Jed asked. "You know where we are if you need us."

With the First couple out the room CJ collapsed back into the chair, exhaling deeply and rubbing her temples.

"CJ. Why won’t you..."

"I can’t, Toby. I honestly don’t think I have the strength to go through it all again. And if the press ever found out I...Toby, this is bad enough from me, let alone dragging the President into it."

"CJ! How can you even think about the administration now? The only thing that matters is you."

"No Toby, because once all the sympathy’s dried up it’ll be about how I can’t do my job anymore and why the President’s still employing a wreck." CJ pointed at herself, as if to prove that she were a wreck. "I know that you and the president are just trying to help and I appreciate that but I’ve made my decision."

By now the sun had set and all that was visible through the window was the lights of Washington at night. CJ stood at the window and gazed at the world carrying on without her, wondering when she would be ready to rejoin it.

*

For the next three days CJ remained at the residence. The press were fed the line that having had a couple of days off to recover from the minor injuries from her fall, she had since decided to take the rest of the week as personal time. Although the gaggle soon grew tired of Henry there seemed to be no suspicions surrounding her absence and it gave CJ uninterrupted time for herself. At least, uninterrupted as far as probing reporters were concerned; Toby was a different matter. He refused to leave her and had stayed over every night.

When CJ woke from nightmares screaming for help Toby was the one who held her while she sobbed. On Thursday when the images and sounds had been too vivid the secret service and the First couple had come running at her screams but it was Toby who she wanted.

Every day, when the others began to think she was getting better something would happen to distress CJ. The nightmares and flashbacks, coupled with her fear of falling asleep, were taking their toll though and CJ remained vulnerable. Her reprieves came in the form of daily visits from ‘her guys’ and the president who would squeeze in ten minute visits here and there, sometimes even late at night when he would arrive in his dressing gown. On these occasions Toby would excuse himself and CJ would become distracted in the trivia that issued from Jed Bartlet.

*

**Saturday**

On Saturday afternoon CJ was busy studying the few briefing memos she’d convinced Toby to let her have. Much to his protests she’d told him they would offer a welcome diversion but having been staring at the same page for the last five minutes she realised she wasn’t getting much done. Her mind had been thinking about something else and she knew that as unpopular as it would be she would have to bring up the topic at some point. She took a breath. "I’ve decided to go back to my apartment today," she announced defiantly.

Toby’s head snapped up at the sound of her voice. "Really? Are you sure?" His face illustrated his reservations.

"Yeah. I...I need to, Toby. I feel like I’m hiding away and while I appreciate everything you’ve done I...well I need some space. And maybe I’ll sleep better in my own bed."

Toby noted her certainty though he wasn’t sure if some of it was false. "Ok, but I’m staying in your guest room."

"Toby! I said I wanted space, I’m not gonna get that with you next door."

"Please CJ. Every night since we’ve been here you’ve had a nightmare, I can’t bear the thought of you waking up alone. You’ve barely slept all week, you’re exhausted, you’re emotional." He indicated with his eyes that he wasn’t trying to be hurtful, just honest. "There’s no way I’m leaving you. I promise to stay out the way and I’ll even pop and get you some more memos to look at over the weekend but please CJ, don’t shut me out."

CJ glared at Toby but saw that the defiance she had about going home was mirrored in his certainty that he would accompany her. "Ok fine, but I mean it Toby. I need some space." Her tone was firm but she relented when he held his hands up surrender. "I’m gonna talk to Abbey. Do you know if the president’s around?"

"I think he went to the office."

"Ok, I guess it can wait," she replied, knowing Toby wouldn’t let her within fifty metres of her office. In honesty, she didn’t actually want to go to the west wing; her eye was still bruised and she couldn’t face the twenty questions that would inevitably follow.

*

Two hours later CJ breathed a sigh of relief as she opened the door to her apartment. The familiar surroundings offered her comfort and even the peculiars like her own smell made her feel at home.

Before Abbey had let her leave, CJ had undergone another mental and physical check only being allowed out the door when she promised to call if she need anything. Despite the comforts and safety of the residence and Abbey’s attentiveness there was nothing like being surrounded by your own belongings.

CJ took a few moments to wander round her home, picking up objects as if to remind her of what was there. She completed a full circuit and found Toby waiting in the hall still. "I’m gonna take a shower," she said, picking up the smaller of her holdalls. "Make yourself at home, you know where everything is." As she moved to the bathroom down the corridor, she heard Toby padding along behind her, heading for the guest room.

"Toby?" she called, stopping mid-stride but not turning back.

"Yeah?"

"Um, I just wanted...before, I should’ve said...I mean, I forgot to say..." She kept looking ahead feeling guilty that she hadn’t said it before.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," she said simply. "I forgot to say thank you. For staying with me at the residence and helping me through my nightmares and for coming here, well, all of it. Thank you."

A small smile crept over Toby’s face and he nodded even though she couldn’t see.

CJ could sense him nodding his understanding. There was a lot more to say but right now that was enough.

*

**Sunday**

Toby sat on CJ’s couch with a clear view of her bedroom door. After her shower last night she had emerged only long enough to make some toast before heading back to her room. Although he missed her company having spent so long with her over the past week, Toby understood her need to be alone and to familiarise herself with her own place again. He’d offered to work in his room but she assured him she’d want to be in her bedroom regardless of whether or not the living room was empty. So he’d spent the evening working and watching the news while keeping one ear out for CJ.

Finally, sometime after midnight he reluctantly gave in to sleep but his body was stuck in its new routine and at regular intervals throughout the night he had woken to check on CJ. For the first time since the attack she had slept soundly, as though the exhaustion that had been steadily growing all week had finally wiped her out and with the safety of her own home she was finally able to give in and sleep.

Not used to lie-ins, Toby had gotten up several hours ago to find CJ still sleeping, so deeply that when he went in to collect her dirty crockery she hadn’t stirred. He’d busied himself in the kitchen at first; tidying up and making a list of provisions he would get Carol to drop by later. But he could only do so many quiet chores and eventually he went back to his silent paperwork.

That was where he still was when he thought he heard a noise from behind her door and got up to listen. At first he couldn’t make it out but when he recognised the sound of her wardrobe door closing he scuttled back to the sofa. If CJ was about to emerge he didn’t want her thinking he was spying.

 

"Good morning Toby," CJ yawned, shielding her eyes against the bright sunlight streaming in through the windows while simultaneously trying to pull on her dressing gown.

"Don’t you mean good afternoon," Toby replied, trying not to laugh at the sight of CJ disorientated and sleepy.

"Why? What time is it?"

"It’s almost three o’clock," Toby said, trying to keep the amusement out of his voice.

"Three o’clock? Oh man. Toby, why didn’t you wake me?"

"Cos I didn’t. I take it you slept well?"

"It’s really three?" She asked in disbelief. When Toby nodded she sat beside him and smiled slightly. "In which case, yeah, I guess I slept very well. I know I was pretty tired but I didn’t realise it was possible to sleep that long straight." CJ grinned slightly.

"Aw CJ," Toby fussed, pulling her into a hug. "It’s good to see you smiling."

"It feels pretty good," CJ responded.

When they drew apart CJ looked down at herself. "I think I’d better go make myself presentable."

"Ok. And I’ll make you something to eat, sort of a late lunch."

 CJ abruptly turned, trying to keep her laughter for a domesticated Toby hidden.

"Hey!" he cried, pretending to be offended as he realised she was amused.

"Sorry Miss Childs, I forgot. You watched cooking shows." She was now openly giggling and when Toby scowled at her it only made it all funnier.

"Well I’m glad I’m a source of amusement," Toby whined.

"Always," CJ called over her shoulder as she closed the bathroom door. She was still giggling when she reached to open the cabinet door but her smile quickly disappeared when she saw her reflection. While staying at the residence she had avoided mirrors and this morning for a few moments at least CJ had been untroubled but as she peered closely and prodded at the bruises, exhaustion and desperation overwhelmed her again.

*

CJ pushed away the near empty plate of pasta. She leaned back in the chair, pleased with her achievement. The president might have a bunch of cooks on hand but not even the best chef in the world had been able to get CJ to eat much last week. She smiled at Toby. "Thank you, that was nice," she said sincerely.

"And to think you made fun of me," he replied, slightly smug but silently just grateful she had eaten at all.

CJ smiled back but then it faded again.

"CJ? What is it?"

"Toby, I don’t what a repeat of our argument before, but I’ve decided to go back to work." There was a hint of nervousness in CJ’s tone but it was nonetheless a statement not a question.

"Ok," Toby said simply.

"Whuh? You’re not gonna fight me on this?" CJ had been ready for a battle so Toby’s acceptance threw her.

"I know you, CJ and I know there’s no point. If you’re sure you’re ready and it’s what you really want then it’s ok by me."

"It’s just if I stay inside any longer I’ll go mad."

"CJ," Toby cut her off. "I said its ok. You don’t have to explain, just promise me you won’t push yourself too far and if you need me-"

"I promise." She was the one to cut him off this time. "Thank you."

*

**Monday**

CJ stood in front of the mirror and smoothed down her jacket. She couldn’t believe she felt this nervous about going back to work; it was like starting back at high school after a vacation.

The bruise round her eye had shrunk and there was now just a small dark mark above her cheekbone. As she tried in vain to cover it with make up she reminded herself to ask Toby what explanation had been given for her absence. If she was going to be answering questions all day the least she could do was ensure her answers matched any other information previously given. She smoothed her suit once more and ran a hand over her hair before picking up her bag.

When CJ stepped out her apartment and locked the door behind her she froze realising this was the first time she’d been outside alone since the attack. As if she didn’t already feel sick, her stomach started doing little somersaults and adrenalin coursed through her. She consciously took several deep breaths and trying to push the feeling aside she headed for her car. The moment she was behind the wheel she locked the doors and stopped to take a few more deep breaths, leaning her head against the steering wheel. "C’mon CJ, you can do this," she whispered before putting the key in the ignition.

CJ managed to focus on the drive to work and by time she pulled up in her space she was calmer and felt ready for the day ahead. She whispered some more words of self-encouragement before heading for the west wing, thankful that she was able to make it into the building without being recognised. She punched in her pin number and acknowledged the guard who was on desk duty. "Here we go," she muttered as she entered the lobby.

She was almost at her office door, having so far avoided passing anyone when she heard her name being called. She whirled around as Leo reached her side and couldn’t help but smile in relief. At least Leo wasn’t about to ask questions she didn’t want to answer.

"Hey CJ, how you doing?"

CJ nodded. "I’m doing ok Leo. You know, taking it day by day."

He nodded and smiled, reaching out to touch her arm tenderly. He knew she wouldn’t want to be interrogated- the press would do a good enough job of that he feared- so instead he squeezed her arm and they both understood this was his way of supporting her.

CJ silently thanked Leo for not asking too much and she smiled as she entered her office. She should have known better than believing the west wing would be empty at eight in the morning; it was rare for anyone to beat Leo in. She hung up her coat and rounded her desk. Taking a seat she observed the piles of papers organised by day and, with the TV switched on, CJ resigned herself to working through them.

She was still engrossed in her reading when her assistant arrived half an hour later.

"Hey CJ, you’re back!" Carol exclaimed, spotting her boss at her desk.

"Your powers of observation continue to amaze me Carol," CJ joked, standing to give her a hug.

Carol stuck out her tongue playfully before hugging the taller woman. "So I hear you’ve been falling down," Carol’s tone was equally sarcastic, but she continued before her boss called her on it. "How are you?"

"Oh, I’m fine. I just thought it was a good excuse to take a break."

"Definitely, you don’t wanna mess with a concussion. Wow, that must have been quite a bruise if its still there a week later," Carol said, pointing at the dark mark on CJ’s cheek.

"Yeah," CJ confirmed, automatically running a finger over her face. She made a mental note about the apparent ‘concussion’, realising she needed to get her story straight with Toby. "Carol, I don’t suppose you’ve seen Toby, have you?" She asked, trying to change the subject.

"I did actually. He was with Bonnie."

"Ok thanks, I just need to see him about something, then we can get started." She indicated the stacks of paper. "It seems I have a lot to catch up on."

*

"Toby?"

Toby spun round to see CJ entering his office. "Hey. You ok?" he said jumping up and inviting her to sit on his couch.

"Yeah. Did you get home all right this morning?"

"Yeah, no problem. Though I still would’ve rather come in with you."

"Toby..."

"I know, I know, you wanted to do it on your own." He noticed the closed door. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to clarify what people know about my absence. So I don’t put my foot in it." She sounded a little nervous.

"I didn’t tell you?"

When CJ shook her head, he shrugged and continued. "We released a statement saying that you’d got minor injuries after a fall and you’d been invited by the first lady to stay at the residence, and that you’d be taking the rest of the week off. Any more questions and we said the White House..."

"...doesn’t comment on the personal lives of staff," CJ finished for him, looking relived. "Did the word concussion pop up?"

Toby nodded. "Probably. Are you ok?" he asked.

"I swear to god Toby, if you keep asking me that-"

"Ok, ok, I’m sorry." He held up his hands in mock surrender but CJ didn’t have the heart to be mad at him. She rose from the couch but stopped as she reached the doorway.

"Thanks" she said before disappearing again, leaving Toby with a smile on his face.

*

With Carol’s help, CJ managed to plough through most of her workload even though her office was like a drop-in centre with anyone and everyone stopping by to say hi. Josh and Sam had been the worst, frequently visiting to complain about Toby’s behaviour during her absence; apparently his rubber balls had been getting a lot of use. But instead of convincing CJ to confiscate the offending objects, Sam and Josh only succeeded in making her laugh at their whinging.

Despite feeling good about being back at work she was already tiring of assuring people she was fine and then inevitably lying to them when they asked about ‘the fall’. Yet whenever CJ was fed up she reminded herself of the alternative and the prospect of the truth coming out made CJ realise this was the lesser of two evils.

However, her biggest challenge of the morning was imminent. Having read her briefing notes, CJ knew she was ready for any political questions the press could throw at her but she knew these weren’t the ones likely to put her off her game.

"CJ, do you have everything you need?" Carol asked as CJ stood in the middle of her office staring at the floor.

"What? Oh yeah. Sorry, I was miles away." CJ managed a smile, and with file in hand she headed to the pressroom ignoring the butterflies in her stomach.

Word had gotten round that CJ was back so when she pushed open the door and stepped up to the podium she was greeted with a cheer. She blushed and accepted the applause gracefully. While the press knew Henry was an able deputy, he didn’t have the same presence CJ had and they had all missed her dry humour and quick wit. 

Once back in her familiar place in front of the cameras CJ waited expectantly and on queue the reporters quietened down.

"I’m sure Henry isn’t that bad," she joked, shooting a smile at her deputy who was stood down next to Carol and the other aides. "But nonetheless, thank you for the welcome. It’s good to be back. Now thankfully for me at least, it’s a pretty light day, so we’ve only got a couple of things to cover. Any questions so far?" she asked.

Nearly all hands shot up but CJ had expected this, maybe even hoped for it. "Chris?"

"We hear you’ve been living it up at the residence," the experienced journalist joked.

CJ couldn’t help but smile. She knew they were going to ask her questions and she felt it was best to get it out the way. "Yes Chris, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. The stress of looking at you guys every day took its toll and I needed a holiday."

"Seriously CJ," Steve called out over the ripple of laughter, "What happened?"

"As you all know, I knocked my head in a fall and the first lady kindly invited me to stay at the residence. It was either that or have the secret service camped outside my door so Dr Bartlet could make daily visits."

"CJ-" Steve tried again.

"Seriously Steve. It’s no big deal. I’m feeling a hundred per cent better and I’m just glad to be back at work."

Experience told the press they wouldn’t get any more from her so any lingering hands were discreetly lowered.

"Now, back to business."

The press turned their focus to the briefing, listening as CJ relayed details about the President’s impending meeting with the Attorney General but one reporter was still distracted.

Danny slouched deeper in his seat. He wasn’t buying her story and it wasn’t just her performance now. All last week he had watched as the senior staff walked around in a slight daze. Toby had been in a foul mood but not his usual temper; the assistants reported that he hadn’t yelled at anyone for days and apparently he hadn’t managed to write a single thing all week.

But there was another rumour that caused Danny more unease- Toby had been staying at the residence with CJ. Toby had a relationship with CJ that Danny could only dream of. He knew it was purely deep friendship so why, all of a sudden, did Toby insist on staying with CJ? Danny could remember the Thanksgiving CJ had the flu- the guys had barely noticed, so why should a bang on the head be any different. Danny’s thoughts began to run away with him and all the explanations he came up with suggested it was more serious than everyone was letting on.

From his seat he could make out a small bruise just above her cheekbone. He couldn’t work out how she could fall on her face hard enough to get a concussion and presumed that this one visible bruise wasn’t her only injury. He sighed loudly, ignoring Katie’s sideways glance. He didn’t know what was going on, but he liked it less and less.

The sudden laughter brought him back to reality and he realised he had missed a whole news item. He looked at his blank notebook and then at the press secretary, pencil ready to make notes on what he was supposed to be reporting on.

*

"CJ?" Carol knocked on the open door. When her boss absently murmured, head still buried in the report she was reading, Carol continued. "Danny’s here."

CJ sighed and pulled off her glasses. "I wondered when this was coming," she muttered before realising Carol was still waiting for a response. "Yeah, thanks Carol, send him in."

Carol stood back and motioned for Danny to enter. Before she went back to her own desk, she asked, "You need anything CJ?" When CJ shook her head she reluctantly closed the door. She knew Danny was a friend as well as a reporter but CJ didn’t need twenty questions on her first day back.

"So." Danny turned to CJ when he heard the door click shut. "You’re back."

"No Danny, I’m a figment of your imagination." She was joking but her voice was laced with a warning.

"Haven’t lost your sense of humour then," he replied.

"Well, you know what they say Danny, ask a stupid question..." This time CJ allowed a small smile to appear.

Danny shook his head and then smiled himself. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I’m fine Danny but thanks for asking. Like I said before..." she looked at him pointedly, as though criticising him for not paying attention in the briefing, "I just want to get back to normal. You were told what happened, end of story."

"Ha!" Danny scoffed. "C’mon CJ, what d’ya take me for? I know when something’s up around here. Unlike you, the guys aren’t such good liars."

"Danny, I mean it. You were told what happened. I fell, I got a concussion, I bruised my face so I took a few days off. What part of that do you not understand?" CJ jumped out her chair. She hadn’t meant to get angry but Danny’s questioning was unnerving and her fear was overwhelming, and she fought to keep control.

"CJ, it’s ok," Danny said urgently. The last thing he wanted was to upset her but at least she was confirming that this wasn’t just a simple case of a bang on the head. "I was just worried about you CJ. I’m here as your friend, ok, not a reporter." He emphasised the last part.

 

CJ steadied her breathing. "Well thank you again for you concern Danny, but as a friend, I gotta say, I’m not all that wild about you calling us liars."

"CJ, that’s not-"

"Of course it was Danny," CJ said cutting him off. She looked at him expectantly, hands on hips.

He sighed resignedly. "Ok, well I just wanted to say it’s nice to have you back. I’ll see you around." He turned to the door and grasped the handle. "But if it really was just a bump on the head CJ, why d’ya get so defensive?" He knew he wouldn’t get a reply and he felt guilty at his throw back comment but now he was surer than ever about his suspicions.

When the door closed behind Danny, CJ remained frozen to the spot, her mind racing. All she felt was sheer panic. What did Danny know or suspect? What would happen if he found out? She suddenly realised she had forgotten to breathe and let out the breath she’d been holding, quickly followed by several large gulps of air. She leant on her desk for support in an effort to calm down but when that didn’t work she sank slowly into her chair and buried her head in her hands.

*

CJ had been sitting for a while, contemplating Danny’s words. She knew in part he was just worried about her but he was still a reporter and the prospect of him finding out scared her more that she cared to admit. She trusted those who knew what happened to keep it a secret, but Danny could be determined.

She slammed her fist down on her desk in pure frustration. She could go into the pressroom and talk about national disasters and hundreds of people dying without getting this emotional so why was she sat in her office crying over something that Danny had very little chance of finding out about. She turned to her window hoping to get some calm from the view.

A knock on the door disturbed her. "CJ," Carol said entering, "The president wants to see you." Carol frowned slightly when CJ continued to stare out the window.

"Ok, thanks."

"Are you ok? Can I get you anything?" Carol asked.

"No thanks Carol. I’ll be out in a minute," CJ swivelled in her chair slightly, wanting to reassure her assistant. Carol remained unconvinced but she took the hint and left.

*

"Hey Charlie, how you doing?" CJ enquired sociably when she arrived at the outer office to the Oval. Having splashed some water on her face, she was now composed and ready to face her boss. It might have been acceptable to appear fragile in front of him last week but now she was back at work she didn’t want him thinking she couldn’t cope.

"I’m good thanks CJ. You?"

"Not so bad. He wanted to see me?" she asked motioning to the Oval, quickly changing the subject, aware that Charlie would be able to read her eyes as well as her voice, and not sure she could lie to him.

"Yeah, he’s expecting you. Go on in."

CJ knocked lightly before entering. "Good morning Mr. President," she greeted.

"Ah CJ. Good to have you back. How are you?" Bartlet came round his desk and motioned for CJ to sit. When she did he took the chair next to her.

CJ smiled confidently, she had no intention of revealing that she had been upset only minutes earlier. "I’m fine sir."

"Really?" he asked probing. "I’m not asking as your boss here CJ you understand. I want to know how you really are." He studied her closely.

CJ nodded but a quick glance at her surroundings reminded her that she was talking to the president of the United Stated right now. She felt awkward and shrugged. "Honestly sir, I’m ok. I had a restful weekend and I’m ready to get back to work."

It seemed the friend in Jed Bartlet wouldn’t be deterred though. "What about the nightmares?" he asked, ignoring CJ’s discomfort at the question.

"Well, I didn’t have any over the weekend and I managed to catch up on my sleep so..."

"Alright CJ, I’ll let it go for now." He smiled, signifying the end of the interrogation. "But you know where Abbey and I are if you need us." He continued to stare at her expectantly until she nodded her appreciation. "Charlie!" he shouted. 

There was a slight pause before the Oval door opened. "Yes sir?"

"Can you send the others in please?"

"Yes sir" Charlie replied, holding the door open as Toby, Sam and Josh filed in.

Toby was first, his eyes seeking out CJ and locking immediately on to her when he spotted her on the couch. He noticed she looked tired and wearisome already and when he tried to read her expression she quickly turned away from his close scrutiny. Realising that avoiding his gaze would only alarm him, CJ turned back and smiled brightly but Toby already knew something was wrong.

They all took their seats and when Leo appeared from his office two minutes later the President clasped his hands together indicating that the meeting had begun.

*

Toby jogged down the hall in an effort to catch up with CJ. She’d left the meeting quickly and not benefiting from long athletic legs Toby had been unable to keep up with her. Toby knew she’d left to avoid talking with him but he was determined to have this conversation with her- part of the deal of her coming back to work was to come to Toby when she needed help and he had a distinct feeling she wasn’t living up to her end of the deal.

CJ sank in to her desk chair and waited expectantly. She knew right now Toby would be on his way and that the conversation that followed was inevitable, but the couple of seconds she gained before his arrival were enough for her to collect her thoughts and calm her mind.

Sure enough, Toby appeared in her doorway. "What’s going on?" he asked before he was barely inside.

CJ looked up innocently. "Did you need something Toby?"

"I’m serious CJ. I saw your face. What’s wrong? Did he say something?"

CJ couldn’t help but laugh. "He? Toby, you might want to refer to him as the President."

Toby shook his head. "I mean it CJ. What’s going on?"

"Nothing Toby, everything’s fine" She dismissed him with a wave of her hand.

"Your face read otherwise," he persisted, unwilling to let her get away that easily.

"Honestly, it’s fine. The president asked me how I was and I felt a little... uncomfortable, you know, what with sitting in the middle of the Oval office an’ all."

"That’s it?" Toby asked sceptically.

"Yes, that’s it. Now if you don’t mind, I have work to do."

Toby frowned, his shoulders sagging. He could see she wasn’t about to confide in him, not yet at least. "Ok fine, but are-"

CJ held up her hand. "Toby, please. The next person to ask me that is the one -not- going to be ok," she said glaring at him.

"Ok, ok. I’m leaving," H shrugged and turned on his heel.

CJ sank into her chair and let out the breath she’d been holding. She didn’t like lying to Toby and if truth be known she had been off kilter in the Oval office, but it hadn’t been her conversation with the president which threw her, rather her previous exchange with Danny. The only reason she’d told Toby she was fine was because she was fed up of being tiptoed around and she refused to play the victim. She just wanted to put this behind her and move forward, although it looked like that was going to be hard with Danny sniffing about. CJ inhaled deeply and turned to her computer screen- if she really was going to put it all behind her now was as good a time as any.

*

"I’m calling a full lid," CJ informed the press corp. causing a small ripple of cheers. "Good night everyone." She offered a smile as she left the podium and received a few good nights and welcome back’s in return.

"Hey Carol. I think I’m about done so you can get going for the night," CJ told her assistant as they walked back to her office.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, course I am."

"Ok, thanks. I’ll see you in the morning," Carol said as she grabbed her coat. When the phone rang she groaned slightly hoping it wasn’t something that would cause her to be held back. "CJ Cregg’s office...yes...yes, one moment please." Carol held her hand over the mouthpiece. "CJ?"

"Carol? I thought you were going home."

"Yeah but the phone rang. CJ, there’s someone who needs to speak to you."

"Who is it?"

Carol popped her head round the corner and lowered her voice. "A detective Robert Jackson from the DC police."

CJ had to employ all her self-control not to drop the files she was holding. "Um ok ...put him through." CJ hoped she sounded calmer that she felt.

Carol momentarily disappeared again but reappeared when the light on CJ’s phone started flashing. She held up three fingers and then silently asked if CJ needed anything. CJ shook her head and sank into her chair. Once her office door was closed she lifted the receiver but waited a few seconds before hitting line three. "CJ Cregg," she answered trying, but not quite succeeding, to sound calm.

"Miss Cregg. I’m detective Robert Jackson with the DC police. I wondered if it would be possible to speak with you as a matter of some urgency?"

"Err...yes...can you...can you tell me what it’s about?" CJ asked, the quiver in her voice clear to her own ears.

"I think it would be best if we could talk in person. I understand it would be difficult for you to come to the station so if I could come to your office..." the officer trailed off.

CJ hesitated. As impossible as it would be for her to visit a police station unnoticed, it was hardly inconspicuous for the police to visit her at work. "Ok, I’ll make arrangements for you."

*

CJ paced her office waiting for the detective. Following the phone conversation CJ had informed the guards at main reception of the impending visitors. Thankfully, because of the time of day there were far less staff around and the detective assured her they would be in civilian clothes. CJ’s mind was racing and her heart pounded heavily in her chest. After several failed attempts to calm herself down she became resigned to pacing and this was what she was doing when three shadows went by her office window.

"Ms Cregg?"

CJ looked up to find a guard stood in her doorway. He pointed behind him. "Your visitors?" When CJ nodded, he stood aside and let the man and woman enter.

"Thank you" she directed at the guard.

He took the hint and left shutting the door softly behind him.

"Detective Jackson I presume," CJ said, extending her hand.

The tall man shook her hand and nodded. When he released it he turned and pointed to his partner. "This is detective Tessa Hanley."

"We appreciate you seeing us so late," Hanley said, smiling warmly. CJ shook her hand.

"No problem. How can I help you both?" CJ gestured for them both to take a seat while she returned to behind her desk. She hoped sitting in her chair would give her the appearance of professionalism and authority, a feeling that she lacked internally. She held onto the arms hoping it would help steady the nervous nausea she was unaccustomed too.

Detective Jackson cleared his throat. "We’re investigating an assault near the Station bar in Georgetown. A woman was sexually assaulted and brutally beaten. She’s currently in a critical condition at GW."

At the news, CJ instantly found it difficult to breath, becoming unaware of the other two people in her office. Hanley glared at her partner, rebuking him for his tactlessness. "Miss Cregg, we found forensic evidence at the scene of this latest attack. Some of it matched the victim and we expected a second sample to be that of the attacker." Hanley paused trying to gauge how much of this CJ was hearing. "But tests revealed the blood was female. We ran it through our files and it threw up your name Ma’am. Miss Cregg, I apologise for being blunt but can you tell us why we found your blood in that alley?"

Although Hanley had been gentler than her partner it did little to settle CJ who took a deep breath and looked up at the woman whose stare was piercing. There was compassion on her face and CJ knew that they had already guessed why her blood was in the alley. "I...I was...I’m sorry, I can’t." The words simply wouldn’t come out.

"It’s ok," Hanley reassured, "but I need to ask, were you attacked CJ?"

Again words failed and CJ only just managed to nod before she buried her head in her hands. Normally the prospect of crying in front of others would have CJ running to the nearest bathroom but the past week seemed to have gotten rid of that fear. When CJ dried her eyes, Hanley continued. "Miss Cregg, we’re going to need you to make a formal statement at the station."

"No!" CJ cried vehemently. "Why do you think I didn’t report it in the first place?"

"Miss Cregg-" Detective Jackson broke his silence, heeding his partner’s advice to tread gently, "I understand you’re in a difficult position because of your public profile but this is really important. We need to know what you know."

"No, I’m sorry but I can’t." The panic was unmistakable. "If this ever got out the press would never leave me alone. I don’t want my personal life put on trial and I don’t want it for the president and this administration." The panic had been replaced by anger now.

Jackson momentarily wondered how CJ could be so selfish but he had to admit she was right; a high profile rape case wouldn’t remain anonymous for long. But Jackson needed to know what CJ knew and was willing to bend the rules for her. "How about we do this at your home instead? It would be private and for the time being only we need know. Uniform need a description but they don’t need to know where it comes from." Jackson hoped to put CJ at ease, not wanting to tell her that without her statement they had little, and with the other victim in critical condition it was touch and go whether they would get anything from her.

"Ok," CJ said, grateful for the offer but nonetheless reluctant. She couldn’t shake the fear that there would be a leak at the police station but the image of the other woman in hospital was enough to convince her. "I just have few things to sort out first." Leaving the officers, she quickly headed down the corridor.

*

Toby stared at the crossed out scrawls on the paper in front of him; everything he had written down sounded wrong. He began to write something new when he had the feeling he was being watched. He looked up to find CJ in the doorway. "Hey. How long have you- CJ, what’s wrong?" For the second time that day her expression clearly showed panic.

CJ made her way to his couch before dropping down slowly. "The police are in my office. They...they know, Toby...they know what happened."

Joining her on the couch, Toby took her hand. "CJ, I...how did they find out?"

"There was another one Toby, another rape. They found my blood at the scene. He... both of us in the same place," She stared at her hands. "Toby, she’s in critical condition and it’s my fault, if I’d gone to the police and hadn’t been so selfish maybe..."

"No! No, it’s not you fault. Look at me, CJ." Toby took CJ firmly by the shoulders and turned her to face him. "None of this is your fault, ok? Not what happened to you and not what happened to anyone else." He looked her square in the eye until she relented and nodded.

 "They need me to make a statement. They’re letting me do it at home and I wanted to ask if..."

"You want me to be there?"

"I understand if you can’t," CJ began, failing to notice Toby nodding his head without doubt. "I’m just not sure I can manage it alone, I-"

"Its ok, CJ," Toby interrupted. "I’ll be there, you don’t have to do this on your own."

*

The last two hours had to have been the most uncomfortable and draining of Toby’s life. As CJ had gone through step-by-step her ordeal Toby had experienced a huge array of emotions from sorrow to sheer fury. He had managed to contain them all so far and could only imagine what CJ herself was going through. To his relief, they were now on to practical details, which involved CJ trying, in vain, to remember what her attacker looked like.

"Can you remember his hair? Maybe it was a distinct style or he had a beard?" Hanley tried again to trigger a memory.

CJ squeezed her eyes shut as though it would help her recall. "I think he wore a cap."

"Did it have anything on it?"

"No...I don’t know...I don’t think so." CJ shrugged apologetically.

"Are you not sure he had a cap or not sure it had something on it?"

CJ sighed. "I’m not sure full stop," she said tiredly.

"CJ, you’re doing ok. Can you remember anything else? What about his face?" Hanley pushed as Jackson scribbled down notes.

"Like I said, he came from behind so I couldn’t really see. I think he had a scarf across his face. When he was hitting me his mouth was covered, yeah, he had a scarf but I saw his eyes, he had blue eyes." CJ stopped open mouthed and stared at the coffee table, recollection crossing her features.

"What is it CJ?" Hanley asked urgently.

"He had a pierced eyebrow! I can’t believe I forgot. Does that help?"

Hanley nodded. "Yes, thank you CJ. Would you excuse us for a moment." Both officers made there way to the communal lobby. "Dammit!" Hanley swore under her breath the moment the front door was closed. "You heard her, Rob, he had a pierced eyebrow. This makes her number three. And with the fourth victim from last night I think we can safely assume we have a serial rapist on our hands."

"He’s messing with us Tessa. He knows he’s gonna be recognisable because of the eyebrow, it’s what he wants." He ran his hand through his hair. "Should we tell her about the others?"

Hanley thought about it for a minute. "I’m not sure. She was pretty shaken up when you not so tactfully mentioned the latest victim."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"It doesn’t matter now. But I’m not sure we can keep this from her. The first two vics wanted it kept quiet which is how even the president’s press secretary doesn’t have the story, but with the tally at four the Super’s gonna tell us this is a public safety issue now."

Jackson sighed. "Ok, you finish up with her and I’ll call Brookes."

Hanley nodded and slipped quietly back into CJ’s apartment. She found CJ and Toby still sat on the couch side by side. "CJ? Detective Jackson’s just calling in your description but there’s something else we feel you ought to know."

CJ looked up. The dark circles round her eyes had intensified over the course of the day and now she looked exhausted. "What is it?"

"CJ, the description you gave us matches several we already have," Hanley began.

"But I thought the woman was unconscious? How did she tell you her attacker was like mine?"

"She didn’t tell us." Hanley paused. "We don’t believe you were the first CJ." She glanced at Toby who had already understood what she was saying. CJ however took longer to process it.

"I don’t understand? What do you mean I’m not the first?"

"CJ, the week before you were attacked two other women were assaulted near the Station Bar. Both recalled their attacker having a pierced eyebrow."

When CJ gasped with comprehension Toby put his arm round her shoulders. "How come we didn’t know about this?" he asked. "At work we meet with the FBI regularly, how come we weren’t told?"

"Neither women wanted to go public and we had no evidence to go on and no real clues to reveal. The investigation was continuing but when days passed without another attack we hoped there wouldn’t be any more. Obviously with the latest attack and CJ here..." Hanley let her sentence trail off and Toby nodded in understanding.

"The other two?" CJ asked.

"They’re doing ok," Hanley replied, "but we need your help to find this guy CJ."

*

Outside in the corridor, Jackson paced the floor waiting for the phone to connect. His years of experience counted for nothing in situations like this and every time he was met with a new victim it never got easier. He shuddered thinking of his own wife and teenage daughter.

"Hello?" a curt voice answered.

"Brookes, it’s Rob."

"Oh hi. How’s it going?"

"Well, it looks like we’ve got a fourth victim on our hands.  She confirmed the eyebrow piercing too."

Brooke sighed despondently. "Did you get anything else?"

"No, it happened last Tuesday so it’s too late for forensics and she’s gotten rid of most of her clothes. Sir, as you can imagine she’s extremely worried about this becoming public hence why we’ve taken her statement at home. I need you to make sure that only we know her identity. If the press find out I think we’re in real danger of losing one of our key witnesses."

"Sure, I’ll get on it. Anything else?"

"We need a lift back to the White House. Mr Ziegler drove us here and now we’re without a car."

"No problem, I’ll send over two uniforms. Come see me when you’re back."

*

"Hey Cal, hurry up. We just got a call," Jim Walker shouted to his partner who was paying for coffee. "We’ve got to collect Jackson and Hanley. They’re at a civilian’s house and need taking back to their car at the White House." Walker emphasised the last part impressively.

"What’s the address?"

"33 Walnut Drive."

"Walnut Drive? Where the hell’s that? Do you mean Avenue?"

Walker shrugged, " I was distracted by the White House bit."

Cal sighed and picked up the radio. "469 to dispatch, over."

"469, this is dispatch, go ahead."

"We need confirmation on Jackson and Hanley’s location"

"Apartment 33, Walnut Avenue."

*

Danny stared at his police scanner trying to place the address. He knew he recognised it but it took a second before it clicked. "Oh my God that’s CJ," he muttered. "Why are the police at CJ’s apartment?" He stared at the radio equipment as though expecting it to give answers but it crackled wordlessly. Danny’s suspicions had been growing all day and this was the final straw. If the police were at CJ’s apartment there was definitely something going on and for once Danny didn’t want a scoop, he just wanted to know his friend was all right.

*

**TUESDAY**

"Carol! My briefing starts in two minutes."

"Ok, ok, I’ve got it and I’m coming," Carol soothed. "Hear you go," she said passing the memo as CJ emerged from her office.

"Thank you, let’s go." CJ strode off towards the briefing room. She turned when she heard Sam calling her name urgently but continued walking briskly.

Jogging to catch up, Sam looked at CJ questioningly. "You have the memo, right?"

"On Hungary? Yeah, I just got it."

"Good, I just wanted to check."

"Ok, but if that’s all I need to go brief."

"Yeah sure...no, wait."

"Sam!" CJ protested spinning around to face him again.

"I just wanted to check...to see how you were doing...you know."

CJ couldn’t help but smile. "I’m fine Sam but I need to go to my briefing."

"Ok, good, then you should go," he said taking off in the other direction leaving CJ stood at the pressroom door.

"Sam," she called after him. "Thanks." When he returned her smile she made her way inside. "Good morning," she began. "The President started his day with a call to the Hungarian Prime Minister to offer his sympathies to the people of Hungary regarding the recent floods..."

*

Danny watched the press secretary exit and his fellow reporters disperse before slipping out of his chair. He ignored Chris calling his name, too focused on the job in hand to get distracted. He was going to talk to CJ and if he didn’t do it now he wasn’t sure he’d be brave enough again. He caught up with her outside her office, giving instructions to Carol.

"And let Toby know I’m coming to see him about the National Economic Council. Ah Daniel, what can I do for you?" she asked catching sight of him hovering.

Danny could tell by her tone and expression that she was still angry with him. "I need to speak to you."

"Danny, I’m busy. Can it wait?" 

"No actually CJ, it can’t." Danny told himself he was entitled to get annoyed and let his voice rise. "I think you should give me a minute, _now_."

CJ stared at him coldly but if this was a news item then she needed to be in the loop and her personal concerns with Danny needed to be put aside. "Ok, but I don’t have long. Carol, tell Toby to give me five minutes." She invited Danny into her office and closed the door behind her. "What do you need Danny?" She asked.

"CJ, I was home last night listening to my police scanner-" he stopped when he saw the colour drain from CJ’s face.

"Danny-" she warned but he ploughed on.

"A patrol car was given orders to collect two detectives. CJ, it was your address. Why were the police at your apartment last night CJ?" When she didn’t reply Danny continued. "Something happened to you last week, didn’t it? Something that involves the police. You never fell did you CJ?" He tried to hold her eye but CJ was growing more agitated with each question. As much as Danny hated upsetting her he had to ask.

"Nothing happened Danny," CJ whispered desperately. "And you know that we don’t comment on personal lives." She hated resorting to professional statements but had nothing else to say.

"CJ, I’m asking because I’m worried about you, not because I want to report this. Please, tell me what happened."

"Leave it Danny," she cried. "I fell!"

"CJ!" he shouted. "Don’t lie to me! I know you and I know you wouldn’t call the police if you fell over. What the hell happened?"

"Danny, I can’t..." CJ faltered as she fought back tears. "Damn it!" she shouted furiously, slamming her desk. "This is why I didn’t tell anyone in the first place. I didn’t want the press to find out." She rose and stood looking out the window. From her reflection Danny could see her wipe away tears.

"Someone hurt you, didn’t they?" Danny took CJ’s silence as affirmative. "What happened?" When CJ turned to face him Danny was shocked by her appearance. She hadn’t looked this shaken since Roselyn. As he studied her face he joined the dots and realisation slowly dawned. "Georgetown," he whispered and when CJ closed her eyes and took a shaky breath he continued. "Last night a woman was found near the Station Bar, she’d been...raped. It’s going around that she wasn’t the first, in fact she might even be the fourth, only the police are being very secretive." CJ’s silence gave Danny the permission he needed to reach his conclusion. "That’s why you were speaking to the police last night wasn’t it? You’re one of the four."

Danny felt sick when CJ nodded and covered her face with her hands. Thinking these things was completely different to having them confirmed, he had hoped that she would have raged against him for even thinking such a thing. He leaned forward to cover her forearm with his hand but she flinched away immediately.

"I’m sorry...I don’t know..." he pulled back his hand even though he wanted more than anything to touch her.

"Please Danny, don’t. Just leave."

Reluctantly Danny agreed. As he left the office Carol poked her head in. "Toby’s waiting for you." She became alarmed when she saw her boss. "CJ?"

"It’s ok Carol. Just give me a minute."

*

"Hey Josh, what’s up?" Donna enquired, spotting her boss loitering in his office doorway. He had just caught sight of CJ returning to her office and closing the door firmly behind her. "Earth to Josh," Donna repeated. "Hey, are you ok?"

Josh tore away his gaze and looked at his assistant. "Yeah. Just keep an eye on things a sec, I’ve gotta see Toby." If anyone was likely to know how CJ was doing it was Toby.

When Josh walked into Toby’s office unannounced he suspected he was wearing an expression that mirrored Toby’s concern. "Um, Toby, I’ve just seen, she...is CJ ok?"

Toby put down his pen and ran a hand over his head. "Sit down Josh."

Josh knew this wasn’t going to be good news if Toby was being considerate. He did as was ordered and waited expectantly.

"The police came to see her last night. There was another attack and they found CJ’s blood there so they...they suspected what had happened. Anyway, it looks like CJ was actually the third victim of what the police are now calling a serial rapist."

"Oh man..."

 

"Apparently the other women were reluctant to report their attacks hence why it hasn’t been in the press but Danny’s been sniffing around and...he knows, Josh."

"What! How did he find out? God Toby, this was the last thing CJ wanted."

"Hey Josh, you think I don’t know that? Believe me, I know. I was there when she told the president where to go so this isn’t my fault and you can’t be pissed at me!"

Josh immediately regretted his words. "Toby, I’m sorry. I’m just worried about her."

"Yeah well so am I, Josh." Toby resented the implication otherwise.

"So, is she ok?"

 

After a second Toby nodded. "She’s strong. And I’m sure whatever happens now can’t be worse than..." he trailed off. "Now she’s just worried what the press’ll say when they find out, which they will. Danny may be sharp but he’s not the only one in that room."

"But how did he find out?"

"He just put the pieces together, that and his police scanner of course. So, he asked."

"And she confirmed it? Willingly?"

"Well, I’d imagine the tears and near hysteria pretty much gave it away. Danny’s been curious for days, he’s not stupid, it’s his job to figure things out."

"Do we know what Danny’s going to do with the news?" Josh asked. When Toby shook his head, Josh panicked. "CJ shouldn’t be the story here Toby."

"I know that Josh, stop telling me things I already know! We’ll get Sam and go to Leo’s office. CJ’s going to meet us there when she’s seen Danny."

*

Leo’s spirits began to fall to new depths. As if CJ hadn’t been through enough already things were likely to get worse still. Toby had finished explaining the situation and the four men had been sat in contemplative silence for several minutes when Margaret interrupted them to announce CJ’s arrival. 

When CJ appeared Leo was struck by how drained she looked. In turn, CJ noticed the four worried faces and was touched by their concern. She leant against the desk and began immediately, hoping to convey a business as usual attitude.

"Danny has assured me he will not use my name in any story and I believe him. However he did remind me that with growing interest in the story it’s not inconceivable that someone else will figure it out." She paused looking at each of the men in turn. When none of them spoke she continued to block out the uncomfortable silence. "Anyway, what matters now is what we say when, rather than if, it goes public. I refuse for this to become a political ball game."

Leo wanted to tell her how proud he was but settled on winking instead. "Ok, then let’s get ready."

*

"CJ!" The voices continued to call her name as they had done for the past half hour.

"CJ, back to Medicare, even some of the, dare I say it liberal republicans on the Hill are suggesting that the White House isn’t going far enough. Is the President willing to negotiate further?"

"Well, the President wants very much to work with Congress on this issue but let’s remind ourselves that fundamentally the president wants this year to be the one that seniors actually get the prescription drugs they've been promised. Now if that means working with the Republicans, well than I guess we’ll have to bite and tongues and be brave." CJ enjoyed the ripple of laughter that went round the room. She glanced down at her agenda and happy she had covered everything began to call a full lid.

"CJ!" interrupted Mark. "I have a question about something unrelated."

CJ’s head snapped up. The only thing that made her feel better was that most of the other reporters were already closing their notebooks, uninterested. "CJ, it’s about the recent sexual assaults in Georgetown-" CJ’s heart was hammering in her chest. "Apparently, including last night, a total of four women have been attacked. I have a source that says the third victim works in the White House. Do you have anything on this?

CJ took a deep breath to calm her nerves, running through the dialogue. If she kept her cool she could get through this. "The White House doesn’t comment on the personal lives of it’s staff-"

"So, you’re not denying it?" Mark cut her off.

"As I said, I won’t comment, other than to say that there’s no reason why anybody but the people involved should have that information." CJ hoped she sounded more confident than she felt. She could see Mark wasn’t satisfied and was about to push further but she was done. She overrode his question by saying goodnight before leaving the podium.

Outside the briefing room, CJ slumped against the wall and let out the breath she’d been holding. In response to Carol’s enquiry of well-being CJ took her assistant by the elbow and guided her back to the office before inviting her in and closing the door firmly behind. "There’s a story more than likely to come out in the next couple of days and I don’t want you finding out in the room."

Carol had a sinking feeling it might have something to do with Mark’s last question but she sat composed and listened to her boss.

CJ marvelled at her own ability to remain calm as she explained the situation to Carol but she couldn’t shake the sick, nervous feeling in her stomach. "I don’t want to make a pre-emptive statement so we just keep repeating that we don’t discuss personal lives. There’s not much we can do till someone brings it up but just so you’re aware, it might be difficult for the time being." CJ sighed, knowing the final comment was more to herself than her stunned assistant.

"I’m here for whatever you need." Carol smiled, standing decisively to prove she was ready to work. When CJ gave her the nod she tuned to leave before pausing. "Are you ok? And I don’t mean professionally."

CJ couldn’t help but smile. "I have good days and bad days," she answered truthfully.

Carol seemed to consider this for a minute before returning to her desk. She found Toby waiting and now she understood why he had been hanging around so much recently. She sat down and looked at him tiredly.

"I finished...are you ok Carol?"

Carol tried to smile but instead it looked like a grimace. "She told me," she whispered and Toby sighed sympathetically.  "Is she ok, I mean, really ok? I asked but..."

"She’s good Carol, we’ll make sure of that." He wanted to reassure the young woman, knowing how it felt to be helpless and in shock. "Can I go in?"     

Carol nodded and Toby left her to process the news.

"Hey CJ," he said knocking and opening the door simultaneously.

"Mark was pretty close," she dove straight in while Toby took a seat. "But I don’t think I expected only half the story to come out. I guess it’s just a matter of time now though. He’s like a dog with a bone."

"You ok?" he asked eventually looking at her.

CJ nodded gently, a smile of appreciation playing on her lips. "I’ve had better days and no doubt there are worse still to come but I’m not gonna let this bastard get to me. The press can write what they want and believe me they will but at the end of the day this is a private matter and they can go-" CJ stopped abruptly when she saw Toby smile at her. "What?"

"Nothing, it’s just you were...I’m so very proud of you CJ."

A flicker of surprise crossed CJ’s face before a wide smile broke out causing Toby to smile in return- he hadn’t seen her look this positive since this whole mess began. She pulled him to his feet and covered his hands with her own. "I couldn’t have got through this without you. Thank you. Now go away because I’ve got lots to do." She laughed at his mock-hurt look.

"Ok," he relented, opening the door. As he reached Carol’s desk CJ called for her assistant and Toby looked down and gave the young woman a reassuring wink.

*

The morning had passed quickly and CJ was already preparing for the noon briefing. She sensed someone in her doorway and looked up expecting to see Carol, only surprised when she saw Josh. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey yourself," he replied. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok and to pass on a message that Toby can’t get out his meeting so he won’t be at the briefing."

"Well Josh I’ve done a couple of these before so I don’t think I need Toby to hold my hand," she replied sarcastically.

"But this might not be a run of the mill one," Josh defended.

"Oh right, you mean talking about the worst experience of my life isn’t going to be a breeze?" She smiled to let Josh know she was kidding.

"Well, that was all," he huffed and turned dramatically but as he moved down the corridor he gave CJ the thumbs up.

*

"CJ, the department of national security released a memo a couple of hours ago that, when read in a certain light, suggests this administration has no intention of allowing any foreign power to catch up with the huge lead the US has opened up since the fall of the Soviet Union. Don’t you think this is a little arrogant?"

"Well Bill, I can only assume you have a different memo to the one I have seeing as mine says absolutely nothing like that."

The reporter blushed slightly at the obvious put-down.

"I think if you go back you’ll see that while America is top of the tree we certainly don’t mind sharing that spot, in fact we’re more than willing to. The tone of the document speaks for itself and it represents how America's values have served us well and will continue to do so. It also suggests, perhaps reassuringly, that we do indeed have a military capable of protecting the peace."

Toby slipped quietly into the briefing room and watched CJ through the glass. She seemed to be holing her own, at least while politics was the topic of conversation.

"CJ, I have another query over the Georgetown assaults." The statement punctuated the air and hushed everyone. The reporter responsible was Jeff, a rookie, who looked confident if not a little uncomfortable. "CJ, I have a source that says you’re one of the victims. Would you care to comment on this?"

The entire room was silent and CJ let the silence sit for a few minutes hoping to make the young man feel uncomfortable. "No Jeff I cannot, the White House doesn’t comment on the personal lives of its staff"

The room erupted with everyone’s hand shooting up and CJ’s name being called from all corners. Toby watched CJ as she sucked in her breath, besieged at the chaos Jeff’s question and her answer had caused.

The questions ranged from how CJ was feeling and how she was coping with work to what were the police doing to catch the guy and did they have any suspects yet. The questions came so thick and fast that it was impossible for CJ to attempt an answer, but CJ wasn’t complaining as it gave her time to compose herself.

"Listen up," she called out. "When I say we don’t comment I mean we don’t comment," CJ punctuated each word carefully. Her voice portrayed a confidence she didn’t genuinely feel. "Now unless anyone has any other, unrelated questions, that’s all for now."

For once CJ’s departure wasn’t followed by reporters calling out her name- they all seemed too surprised and shocked but CJ didn’t dare hope that they’d got the message that this was a private matter.

"I would have expected more uproar," Carol said, echoing CJ’s own thoughts.

"Yeah, I think maybe I shocked them a little. But I’m not expecting the same in a couple of hours." CJ sighed and took the phone message slips off Carol before slipping into her office, hoping for a few minutes peace.

*

For an hour straight CJ was able to work undisturbed, thanks mostly to Carol’s determination that she should have some silent time but it couldn’t last forever and eventually Toby’s nagging got to Carol and she allowed him to see CJ.

"Hey," Toby murmured poking his head around the door.

CJ jumped at someone else’s voice. "Hey yourself," she replied.

"How you doing?"

"I’m fine. Courtesy of my wonderful assistant I’ve had an hour to myself and I’ve managed to get some actual work done."

Toby nodded. "You did good in there, you know. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the press so quiet, you let them know you meant business."

"Yeah, well, I don’t want to be the story, not that it’ll stop them. Still I refuse to discuss it in the room." A hint of anger tinged her voice.

"CJ, you don’t have to tell me, we discussed this already."

"Oh yeah, sorry," CJ rushed.

"I know this is going to be hard for a while but it’s going to be ok, you know that don’t you? I mean, just look at what you’ve made it through already."

"Like that wasn’t bad enough," CJ’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

"CJ, I meant..."

"I know what you meant Toby and you’re right."

"You know, several women’s groups are already voicing their support for you."

"There’s a surprise," she said dismissively with a wave of her hand though underneath she was grateful for any support she received.

Toby noticed the reluctance in her voice to talk about this subject right now. "Got time for some lunch?" he asked.

CJ glanced down at the papers on her desk and shrugged. "Yeah, I do actually," she said breezily rising from behind her desk and smiling.

As she took Toby’s hand and he gave it a light squeeze, she felt hopeful that maybe she could get through this. With friends like hers, how could she fail.


End file.
